Tip Off Talk

The best weekend in sports is upon us.
We are less than one week away from the glory that is Barry Bonds. We are also just days away from the start of The Masters.

Spring has settled over the land like so much packing foam, and we take this moment to celebrate NCAA Basketball as if it were high-end pornography. Four teams, pause button, no waiting.

Las Vegas has both games as a virtual wash. Ohio State is a dog by 1 and UCLA is a bigger dog at 3. After throwing them all into a wheelbarrow, we at Tip Off Talk sold our souls to Satan in order to dig meaning out of the stats.
That effort, along with sinister promptings from our Lord and Savior Lucifer, has yielded the 3 players at OSU and G-Town who will win it or lose it Today.

The Ohio State University’s best —
Greg Oden 15.4 ppg, 9.5 rpg, 3.3 blkpg
Mike Conley Jr. 11 ppg, 6.1 apg, 3.4 rpg
Jamar Butler 8.6 ppg, 3.7 apg, 85.5% ft

Both Horford and Noah block two shots per game for Florida, and both are a whisker shy of double-double averages. Green is the team’s assist leader at 3.6.

Georgetown’s best —
Jeff Green 14.4 ppg, 6.2 rpg, 3.2 apg
Roy Hibbert 12.7 ppg, 6.9 rpg, 67% fg
Jessie Sapp 9.1 ppg, 3.4 apg, 4.1 rpg

The Hoyas have three guys averaging at least three assists per game. Ohio State has Gregory Oden on loan from the NBA.
When you don’t know where the attack is coming from, it is dead difficult to play the kind of defense that won over the mouth-breathers in Columbus.

G-Town is more fun. People there play chess and talk politics.

Ohio State is in Ohio. People there play re-runs of football games and talk about re-runs of football games . Furthermore, that’s where my mother-in-law went to school.

Pick — Georgetown 71, Mother-in-Law 60

G-Town vs. UCLA Championship pick to follow

The best weekend in sports is upon us.
We are less than one week away from The Masters. We are also just days away from Barry Bonds’ first monumental Yakk in to the bleachers.
On this weekend, we celebrate NCAA Basketball with nearly the same fervor as NCAA Football. Four teams, sombrero full of bean dip, it must be time to Pick ‘em!.

Now we can over-analyze this to death. We can also let our regional bias jade the moment. as Vegas has both games as a virtual wash. G-Town is favored by 1 and Florida is favored by 3. After searching high and low through the NCAA stats of note, we at Tip Off Talk have found the three players on each team who will win it or lose it Saturday.

First — UCLA vs. Florida

Florida’s best —
Al Horford 13.2 ppg, 9.2 rpg, 2 apg
Joakim Noah 12.2 ppg, 8.5 rpg, 2.3 apg
Taurean Green 13.3 ppg, 3.6 asstpg

UCLA’s Best
Arron Afflalo 16.9 ppg, 2 ast, 2.7 reb 37.7 3fg
Josh Shipp 13.1 ppg, 2.6 ast, 3.9 rpg
Darren Collison 46.3 3fg, 5.7 ast 2.3 stl 12.8 ppg

When handicapping an NCAA game, remember this: These are kids — 19-, 20-, 21- and 22-year-old kids. And kids are passionate, which works both to their benefit and detriment.

Florida wants to repeat. UCLA, however, wants Florida. The SEC can’t hold the Pac-10’s jock this season, and UCLA’s 30-5 record trumps Florida’s 33-5 by about two losses — and six points.

Pick — UCLA 77, Florida 71

G-Town vs. Ohio State to Follow

A tiny North Carolina school went Boise State on Saturday afternoon — and no one saw it.

Now, thanks to the miracle of 451 Press and the good work of the Billionaires at YouTube, we can all witness the Barton College miracle.

Completely eclipsed by the over-hyped, over-blown and over-bearing D-I Final Four fracas, The Barton College Bulldogs quietly did the impossible Saturday.

In the D-II championship, BC was slotted against 35-0 Winona State — the defending national champions who entered the game with 57-straight wins. Barton College (30-5) trailed by seven with 40 seconds on the championship clock.

Enter senior All-American point guard Anthony Atkinson.

The rest must be seen.

WARNING: The following clip chronicles the final :45 seconds of the Barton College-Winona State D-II championship game. It runs for just over 4 minutes and will – REPEAT – will make you stand and cheer.
Do not view at the library, in accounting class, at the ballet or near sleeping children / spouses / lovers.

Florida—Georgetown—UCLA—Ohio State
Just like that, two 1 seeds and two 2 seeds are the only ones left standing — unless you count the NIT. And why shouldn’t we? There are a number of things that make the NIT better than the NCAAs.

Tip-Off Talk’s Top 5 reasons the NIT is better than the NCAAs.

5) Home courts.
If you’ve ever been to the first round of the NCAA tournament, you know what I’m talking about. You buy your 2-game ticket package for the early session on the West Virginia campus and end up watching Delaware State vs. DePaul at 11 a.m., and Hofstra vs. Georgia at 2:30 p.m.
If these games were played on someone’s home court, it would feel much like college basketball. As it stands, it feels much like French-kissing your Aunt Margaret. When the only people cheering in a 15,000-seat arena are the cheerleaders, it gets kinda creepy — like a BYU home game.

4) Better Acronym rebuilds.
NIT — Not Invited Tournament.
NIT — Not Interested Today
NIT — Nets I’ve Torched
NIT — Nancy Is Tasty

3) Exposes character
Remember all the whining we heard from Drexel and Missouri State about how they deserved to be in the field of 65? They went out and lost to NC State and San Diego State, respectively.
K-State coach Bob Huggins said, “The reality is, we should have won more games.” They then went out and bumped off Vermont.

2) Less hype
There are no hangers-on and no fair-weather fans in the NIT stands. Anyone who would buy a ticket to an NIT game is a true fan. As such, when Michigan draws 3,114 in the 13,751-seat Crisler Arena against Utah State in the NIT opener, they are exposed as the willy-nilly Charlatans they are.

1) No Vitale
Love him or hate him, Vitale is all over the NCAA tournament scene like Roseanne on a tub of cheese fries — leaving the NIT to the journalists.
When Billy Packer does a game, there is no tacked-on sideshow making your ears bleed.
Dickie-V and his overbearing act are bigger than the game. And when the clown becomes bigger than the circus, the circus loses.
To his credit, he works hard and knows his business. But he is the entertainer who overshadows the entertainment.

It’s almost enough to make you go swap spit with your Aunt Margaret.

I would like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to my reader for the recent dearth of content on TipOff Talk.

You see, I just completed a move with the family unit and was without reliable Internet for the better part of this entire week.

Back in the day, everything I owned fit in my Honda CRX. If I moved across campus to shack up with some cheerleader, no problem. It was almost like a sleepover. And if I woke up next to some Medusa-looking thing and her pom-poms, I could always pack up the goods in the 2-seat import and find a different sleepover.

Problem is, the cheerleader on the morning pillow didn’t have snakes for hair. And when the dawn broke through the makeshift window linen, the pom-poms at my side proved my Beer Goggles were tuned to Hi-Fi. If anything, morning sobriety revealed a natural beauty whose smoking hotness rivaled that of 1945 Nagasaki.

The CRX is gone now. And the crap I now own would fill Madison Square Garden to the top of the lower bowl — all because of that damn morning light.

That is why, patient reader, there have been no posts in recent days — a situation I will rectify post haste.

(YAWN)
Enjoying the NCAAs? Not Likely.

The only Salsa on this year’s NCAA biscuit came from Virginia Commonwealth against Duke and maybe Winthrop against the Fighting Irish.

Bored yet? Need a can of Red Bull and a Taser shot to the temple to keep you from falling asleep in the guacamole?

Consider:
Of the 32 first round games, 26 were won by at least nine points.
Of the 32 first round games, 28 were won by higher seeds.
Of the four lower seeds who won in the opening round, two were 9 seeds and two were 11 seeds.

But let us not dwell on the anti-climax, friends and gentlepersons.
No, this is a time for beer consumption and celebration. It’s Saint Patty’s Day.

Let us shake off these NCAA doldrums in the only appropriate way. Come on over to my place and we will mix our guacamole into our green beer, spit some corned beef and cabbage at the Scottish border and find someone to kiss our Blarney Stones.

There is a stone there, That whoever kisses
Oh, he never misses, To grow eloquent.
‘Tis he may clamber, To a lady’s chamber
Or become a member, Of Parliament.
— Francis Sylvester Mahony, Irish Bard on the Blarney Stone

Leave it to Steve Nash to steal the NCAA’s thunder.

On the eve of college basketball’s most blessed Thursday, Nash and the Suns put the screws to Dallas in double overtime Wednesday night. And when you’re talking up the best regular season games in NBA history, this one must draw breath.

If you missed it, here’s the reset —
Dallas flat dominated the third quarter, building an insurmountable 15-point lead at the start of the fourth quarter. At that point, Dallas was virtually assured of a 24th-consecutive home win.

Then the roof caved in.

Nash scored all 10 of the Suns points in the final minute of regulation, knotting the game at 111 with a 3-pointer at the 2.7-second mark.
Amare Stoudemire and Nash then combined to score 15 of the Suns 18 points in OT. In all, Stoudemire hit 16-of-19 field goals to finish with 41 points and 10 rebounds. Nash turned in 32 points, 16 assists and eight rebounds.

Oh the Nuttiness.

Some say this clinches another MVP for that short, white Canadian guy. Others say it makes no difference, still giving it to that tall, white German guy.

Regardless, Wednesday night’s showcase of the league’s top two teams lived up to the hype. And when’s the last time you could say that about an NBA game?

What kind of number is 65? A bad number.
Bad, bad, bad.
64 isn’t much better, but it beats the snot out of 65. There is no rhyme nor reason to 65, and regardless how much you dress it up for tournament time, 65 is still the ugly stepsister stealing your jelly beans.
80 – Now there’s a number. Two syllables, divisible by 10, Jerry Rice, etc.

And while the rest of the basketball world whines and pines about the NCAA Championship Bracket’s problems, I am here to offer an eloquent solution to the annual Mid-Major vs. Major-Major conundrum.

It’s a marketing solution, really. The NCAA Basketball Championship is the Golden Goose of amateur sports in America, and no one at the national office has the vision to feed the thing.

Basically, Tuesday’s game between Niagara and Florida A&M was a play-in game for the 16 seed. Both teams were tagged 16 seeds with the winner going on to face Kansas.

I propose the following: In each of the four Regionals, assign two #13s, two #14s, two #15s and two #16s. Tuesday night on bracket week would be Challenge Tuesday, with 16 games to decide the final 16 NCAA teams. Winners would join the remaining field and the tourney would proceed as normal in the traditional single-elimination 64-team structure.

Now here’s the beautiful part. These 16 play-in games would pit the 16 best of the remaining Mid-Majors such as Drexel against the Major-Majors such as Purdue. This way, the debate is played out on whether the MEAC runner-up types can compete with the ACC eighth-place types.

And instead of waiting for the Sweet-16, Elite-8 or Final Four to play our word games, we could start out with the Weighty 80. Challenge Tuesday could be the Unseen-16.

Fact is, the marketing strength of the NCAA Bracket comes from the underdog stories. The Valpos and George Masons. The Gonzagas and Santa Claras. People tune in Thursday and Friday for the drama of the 14-seed upset special.

Market it. Make it available to the unwashed masses at directional state schools across the land.

Hell, I’d buy it. Now let’s go lay some eggs!

Syracuse is out. And Jim Boeheim is grumpy.
Drexel got the shaft, and coach Bruiser Flint is displeased despite having a nifty name.

When it was all added up, Missouri State, Air Force, Kansas State and Florida State all felt spurned by the tournament selection committee.

Nothing resonates with loyal NCAA fanatics like a sense of unfairness. And if you torture the stats long enough, they’ll tell you anything.

Unlike statistics, coaches and administrators are tortured by the media all the time. As such, they are accustomed to torture and can tell you almost nothing — that is unless they have 12,000 boosters who are mad as hell about playing in the NIT.
Then, and only then, they pop off with some reactionary beauties.

Now, without further ado, are the best of the bubble busting bellyaches from Selection Sunday.

Drexel coach Buster Flint: “It’s very disappointing, not just that you didn’t get in, but when you look at some of the teams that did. They told us last year (to) go play some good teams on the road. We do, and we win some of those games, but it still wasn’t enough. We’re out of it. There is no consolation.”

K-State coach Bob Huggins (a dash of reason): The reality is, we should have won more games,” he said. “If we win more games, we don’t have to worry about any of this.”

Getting in the NCAA 65-team championship bracket is simple enough. If you play well enough long enough, they let you play.

That is until some team 1,500 miles away in a small-school tournament bursts your bubble.

Mid-Major teams must win their conferences to get in, and Big Ticket teams are playing for seedings — until the upset train starts rolling through the conference tournament season.

A conference tournament upset forces the NCAA selection committee consider taking both Sacred Heart and Central Connecticut State, for example. CCSU gets in on the automatic bid and Sacred Heart gets an at-large, or something. (Of course, the 2004 committee found a way to exclude 25-3 Utah State, despite a top 25 ranking and top 35 RPI in the biggest Dance snub ever).

The following upsets Friday night spell Good Times for small schools and Bubble Bust for big schools:

Oklahoma State 57, #7 Texas A&M 56
Utah State 79, #10 Nevada 77

Oh, the insanity. Every lower seed bumped off Goliath in the ACC Thursday.
#9 Florida State 67, #8 Clemson 66
#12 Miami 67, #5 Maryland 62
#10 NC State 85, #7 Duke 80, OT
#11 Wake Forest 114, #6 Georgia Tech 112, 2OT

ACC Notables:
Defending champ Duke is out and has 10 losses. Duke was the No. 7 seed in the ACC. What does this mean for the NCAA seeding? Are we talking 11? 13?
Wake goes double OT to score 114: Demon Deacons guard Harvey Hale scored a preposterous 21 points in extra time. That said, can you spell l-e-t-d-o-w-n? Wake is 15-15 and just won its national championship. Lose by 25 tonight versus rested Va. Tech.

Following Thursday’s double OT win, chaos reigned on the Wake Forest campus.
Witness the revelry.
Warning to parents: May not be suitable for children. Not for the faint of heart.

Reggie Miller today on the Dan Patrick Show:

RM: Memo to Duke’s Gerald Henderson, if you make that foul in the NBA, expect a 5 to 10 game suspension and a fine. …
(Would that have been an acceptable foul back in 1997?)
RM: In my day, yes. Today, no. Y’know, if there was no blood on his face, it’s just a good, hard foul. Today’s game is full of a bunch of Ballerinas. That foul would have got you a five, maybe 10, game suspension and a fine.”
BRINGING THE SMACK — REGGIE MILLER IS BACK

Granted, Patrick was baiting a good friend, busting his chops and forcing the issue of Reggie’s return. In addition, the timing of the studio work was fantastic, if not inspired.

In the midst of his rant about Henderson’s Sunday chop (see below), Miller Monday started calling out other players in the NBA as Ballerinas.
Yes, Ballerinas. Challenging not only their manhood, but the soft nature of the game they play. Jump shots from 18 feet. Uncontested rebounds on the baseline. Faking injury like French soccer players.

Does this sound like the objective, studied voice of a TNT analyst or ESPN Radio contributor? Sounds more like a guy talking trash before the start of the stretch run.

You heard it here first. Reggie is talking trash — Hence, he’s got his game on. Reggie WILL return. He WILL return.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled collegiate bloodfest.

March is the third month in the Gregorian Calendar. It has 31 days, including one dedicated to mass consumption of Green Beer. (Mmmm. Green beer.)

Known by Greeks as Ares and Romans as Mars, the month of March gets its name from the God of War.
Mars — the red, bloody scar in the night sky.
Mars — Minister of Wrath. Lord of the Death Knights.

If you don’t think the name “Ares” sounds tough enough for a War God, just put one or two of those titles behind it. Ares, God of War, Minister of Wrath. Or even your name — “Bill, God of War, Lord of the Death Knights.”

If the Greeks had more swords and fewer orgies, the third month might even be known as “Arrch.” Better yet, just make the M silent and sound off like a thirsty, Greek pirate - “Aaaarccch!”

That, patient reader, brings us to the subject of Aaarrcchh Madness. The month isn’t even 60 hours old, and already the upsets are stacking up.

THURSDAY
Georgia Tech punks No. 8 Heels 84-77: The Jackets saddled NC with its sixth loss of the season. Five of those have come against the ACC. Go figure.
Utah State bull-rushes No. 10 Nevada 79-77 in OT: Incidentally, if you have never seen a game at the Dee Glen Smith Spectrum in Logan, Utah, punch yourself a first class ticket to the Intermountain West’s own Happy Valley. When Cal Poly is in town, it’s a little calm. But bring Nevada, Utah or especially BYU into the 10K-seat Spectrum, and it’s flat nutty. Has that Kentucky-Louisville feel to it.
The 142-140 triple-OT loss to then-national power UNLV in 1985 was the best game ever played. OK, the best game I ever saw on TV. All right. The best game I ever read about in the paper.

By now, you know of the sordid snowboarding tale involving Vladimir Radmanovic. Quick recap: He separated his shoulder snowboarding, lied about it and tried to pass it off as a basketball injury.

Vladimir Radmanovic makes $63,597 per game. Thursday, The Lakers fined Rad-Man $500,000 or the equivalent of 7.8 games salary. Now, this is what sticks in my biscuit. He will be out for eight weeks or 25 games or the equivalent of $1.59 million.

If you are one of the 360 people on planet earth who play in the NBA, you have one, simple obligation — do what you can to make yourself available for 82 games.

That’s it. No big whoop. If you fail to do this by violating a specific clause in your contract, you forfeit the benefits of 360 membership. That is, ca$h. A fine of $500,000 is less than one-third of the appropriate punishment.

Radmanoivic had never tried snowboarding before and busted up his $5 million shoulder doing it. Then he fabricated a story about how he slipped and fell on an icy sidewalk. A fine of $2 million would have been a light punishment.

Rad-Man plays just 18 minutes per game. He is a role player at best. And when a guy in the mailroom lies about knocking up your daughter, you void his 5-year, $30.2 million contract.

What in the name of Samuel L. Jackson is going on with the NBA lately? With all the major injuries announced in recent days, you would think there was another All Star game coming up.
Whatever the reason, season-ending and season-threatening injuries are popping up all over the league like so many Whack-A-Mole moles. What’s more, the boo-boos are scattered all over the league’s top talent.

The damage report since Sunday:

Wally Szczerbiak, Bos. — Wednesday: Season-ending ankle surgery.
Stephen Jackson, G.S. — Tuesday: broken left big toe, timetable pending.
Shaun Livingston, LAC. — Monday: Triple ligament tear Out 8-12 months.
Vladimir Radmanovic, LAL. — Thursday: Separated shoulder while snowboarding in Utah. Out 8 weeks minimum.
Dwayne Wade, Mia. — Last week: Dislocated shoulder. Still no diagnosis update. Second opinion due Friday.

Jamal Crawford, NYK. — Tuesday: Stress fracture of right ankle. Surgery likely, should miss rest of season.

If you missed it, here’s the Livingston blowout. Gnarly. Shades of Joe Theismann.

To lighten things up a bit, check out this kid. You will watch it at least three times, guaranteed.