Tip Off Talk

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I hate to say I told you so, but … I told you so.
Up 3-1 over the Mavs, Nelson and the Golden Staters are — Goin’ back to Dally

They’re going back to Dalli, Dalli, Dalli
They’re going back to Dalli … hmm, I don’t think so
They’re going back to Dalli, Dalli, Dalli
They’re going back to Dalli … I don’t think so

They’re going back to Dalli, Dalli, Dalli
They’re going back to Dalli — no man I don’t think so
They’re going back to Dalli, Dalli Dalli
They’re going back to Dalli.

At $9.15 million per season, Marcus Camby draws a pretty nifty paycheck from the Denver Nuggets. Every time the Cam-Man hits the floor, $111,585.37 changes hands.
The NBA just named Camby its Defensive Player of the Year on Friday after Camby led the basketball world with a career-best 231 blocks.

By the time the Nuggets exit the playoffs, however, count on Camby to pack up his trophy, his salary and decade of NBA experience and head elsewhere.

By comparison, AI made almost exactly twice what Camby did at 18.28M this season. Next year, Iverson’s compensation balloons to 20.1M. and 21.9M in 2008-09. Similarly, Carmelo will make 12.45M next season and 13.76 the next. The Knicks, who have the ca$hola to make this kind of thing work, should be so lucky.

Scoring guards don’t win games, championships or respect. All they win are headlines, scoring titles and video clip repeats on SportsCenter.
It was nice to have you in the playoffs, Denver. As a two-pony show, the west will bury you by the All-Star break.

Speaking of video clips (all in one game, btw) …

WESTERN CONFERENCE (God’s own conference)
1. Dallas Mavs – DJ Mbenga, C, knee, out for playoffs
2. Phoenix Suns – none
3. San Antonio Spurs — none
4. Houston Rockets — SG Bonzi Wells, crybaby, out for playoffs
5. Utah Jazz — none
6. Denver Nuggets — PF Kenyon Martin, knee, out for playoffs
7. L.A. Lakers — F/C Chris Mihm, ankle, out for playoffs
8. Golden State Warriors — none

EASTERN CONFERENCE
1. Detroit Pistons — none
2. Cleveland Cavs — none
3. Toronto Raptors — F/C Jorge Garbajosa, ankle
4. Miami Heat — G Dwayne Wade, shoulder/knee/ankle/back/nose/forehead/toe/wife/epiglottis
5. Chicago Bulls — C Martynas Andriuskevicius, skull fracture
6. New Jersey Nets — SG Eddie House, hip, out for playoffs // FC Nenad Krstic, surname vowel depletion, out for playoffs
7. Washington Bullets (yes, BULLETS!) — PG Gilbert Arenas, knee, likely out for playoffs // SF Caron Butler, hand, out 6 weeks
8. Orlando Magic — none

Can you smell it?
snifffff Mmmm. Upset fresh.
That, gentle reader is the smell of Golden State’s day in the sun.
Beyond all reasonable expectation, No. 8 seed Golden State will take No. 1 seed Dallas to Game 7 — and win. Vegas will tell you differently. But after Sunday’s upset special in Game 1, the odds will shimmer and shake like Morganna The Kissing Bandit on a mechanical bull.

That’s right. I said it — broadcast throughout the land from atop TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center. Vegas has GS 9-to-1 against winning the series. If you’ve got an extra Franklin lying around, you might toss it at the sportsbook.

Not only are the Warriors rolling, winning nine of their final 10 in the regular season. They also went 3-0 against the Mavs, proving once and for all that match-ups matter. Yeah, yeah. The postseason is different and the Mavs are rested. But Baron Davis is drunk with excellence, and hunger matters more than rest.

There are those nilly-willy types who will whine about the Mavs having the league’s best record. And there are those who will carp and howl about their rightful place in NBA lore.

Poppycock, I say.
None are more free than those with nothing to lose.
That morsel of dime-store philosophy puts all the pressure on Dallas.

On the bright side, Dallas, you don’t have to worry about Nash and the free-wheeling Phoenix circus punking you again on your home floor.

Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund

April 16, 2007, will be remembered as one of the darkest days in the history of the Virginia Tech community and the world beyond.

To remember and honor the victims of those tragic events, the university has established the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund to aid in the healing process and generate financial support.

The fund will be used to cover expenses including but not limited to:

• Grief counseling
• Memorials
• Communication expenses
• Comfort expenses
• Incidental needs

If you plan to give, please click the link below:

Good for you, Joey Crawford.
Never admit defeat. Never admit wrongdoing. Go to your grave without regret.
Growing up is easy. The maturation process is a natural power that robs you of freedom, manhood and machismo. And you, my friend, are fighting that power.

Your child-like (scratch that, child-ish) ejection of Tim Duncan —video below— was a beautiful thing. Your professional insecurities became bigger than the game. Your wholesale absence of testicular fortitude took the spotlight from the athletes, and you would rather throw away a 30-year career than admit you were wrong.

It has happened before, and you have already said it will happen again.
In so many words, you told NBA commish David Stern to shove it. You said that if the same scenario were to play out, you would again oust the giggling Duncan, take your whistle and go home.

Today, you are an unemployed, unemployable dinosaur — to the detriment of the game, your legacy and your man sack.
Fight the power, brother. Find solidarity for all frightened children in adult bodies.

At Tip Off Talk Tri-Plex Towers and Convention Center, we take our basketball seriously.
More than that, we take your basketball seriously.
Because we love you.
Want to hold you.
Want to be septically close to you in the shower.
Want to savor the unwanted peas left behind in the paper shell of your Hungry Man microwave dinner.
Oh yes. This is much more than simple co-dependence.
This, my systematic and patient friends, this is love defined.

The TOT staff’s love is so pronounced in fact, that we broadcast a 50,000-CindyWatt signal from the top of Tip Off Talk Tri-Plex Towers 24-hours a day — many, many Cindy’s a week. And tomorrow, my cryptic and neophytic teammates, the TOT crew begins a deliberate breakdown of the forthcoming NBA Playoff season.

We will begin with the 8-seeds and work our way to 1.
I know, I know. You readers in Dallas get the shaft. In the meantime, there’s always time for another Hungry Man.

NBA injuries reported since April 1 —

Atlanta: Josh Childress G/F, broken right foot, out for season
Boston: Al Jefferson F/C, left knee bruise; Brian Scalabrine F/C, left hamstring strain
Dallas: Erick Dampier C, right shoulder strain; Dirk Nowitzki PF, overworked; Jerry Stackhouse GF, overworked
Houston: Bonzi Wells SG, personal leave
Indiana: Jamaal Tinsley PG, elbow
LA Lakers: Kwame Brown F/C, left ankle sprain
Memphis: who gives?
Miami: Gary Payton PG, left calf tear
Milwaukee: Michael Redd G/F, left knee; Brian Skinner F/C, ear infection
New Jersey: Bernard Robinson G/F, undisclosed illness
New Orleans/Okla City: see Memphis
New York: Renaldo Balkman F, stomach virus; Stephon Marbury PG, toe
Portland: LaMarcus Aldridge F/C, hearbeat anomaly
Sacramento: Brad Miller C, left foot
Seattle: Earl Watson PG, left ankle; Luke Ridnour PG, left ankle
Utah: Andre Kirilenko F, thumb
Washington: Gilbert Arenas PG, left knee tear; Caron Butler SF, broken hand

OK, OK. I hear ya.
You want me to pop off about Rutgers Women’s basketball and the whole ‘Nappy Hos’ episode. Well Happy bloody Birthday.

Here’s the thing no one is saying — this kind of radio show is nearly entirely scripted in advance. No, really. Just like Letterman, Leno, The Daily Show, Colbert, Ellen, Regis and that skeleton girl … all of them are pre-written for actors who then attempt to act as if it is off-the-cuff.

This was not amateur night at the Improv. Don Imus knew what he was saying. So did his radio show puppet master Bernard McGurk.

The crime committed here was not racism, bigotry or gender intolerance. The crime committed here was failed comedy and failed taste.

For whatever reason, these two yutzes thought there was something funny about calling these girls, many of whom have race-specific hair qualities, Whores. Granted, he used the colloquial. But 70-year-old dudes can’t use “Ho” any more than I can use “dude”.

When Chris Rock uses “Ho” in context on the Espy’s, it does not fail the comedy test. When a Southern rap band names itself “Nappy Roots” it does not fail the taste test.

Imus, McGurk — you failed both tests.
But there’s an old saying that applies specifically to shock jock comedians like Imus, Stern and Limbaugh — there’s no such thing as negative publicity.
And guess what, Hoss? Your show’s ratings are already going through the roof.

Stick a fork in Dallas. They’re done.
Based on the 71 points the Mavs put up last night, it appears they are done with the regular season.
Forget all the hype, drama and circumstance associated with the good times post below.

Today, my friends and patient comerades, is about the end of the civilization as we know it.
Today, my friends and increasingly impatient comerades, is the first day of a new Reign — the reign of the Raptors.

Last night, with a 94-85 win over Philly, Toronto captured the Atlantic Division title.
Toronto, God Bless em, is 10 games over .500 through 66.
The next best team in the division is 4 games under .500 and currently holds down the No. 7 playoff spot in the East.

In related news, merchants in New Jersey are reporting a staggering rise in Rat Poison sales.

The Dallas Mavs already have the MVP.
They already have home court through the playoffs.
They already have a slick jeweled muzzle for Mark Cuban.

So what else is left? 70.
Only once before has an NBA team won as many as 70 games in a single season. The 95-96 Bulls went 72-10 and went on to win the title.

Entering tonight’s game at Denver, Dallas is 62-12 with eight games to play. Should they win them all, they would finish 70-12 and become the NBA’s second member of Club 70.

Things you should know about the Mavs:
Dallas opened the season 0-4.
Dallas is 0-2 against Golden State.
Dallas plays at Golden State on April 17, the second to last game of the season.
Kevin Willis is 44 years old.
If they played exclusively in the Eastern Conference, they would already have 70.
Dirk Nowitzki hurt his ankle last week, and if he doesn’t have to play …
Karl Hungus is a fictional character.
Their 62 wins is already a franchise record.
There’s no such thing as a Tip Off Talk jinx.

OK, so my NCAA Finals picks had about as much punch as a Democrat in Wyoming. In fact, the whole flaccid episode reminded me of a certain chief executive who shall remain nameless — but his mom still calls him Little Georgie.

My Picks to Click fell flat — unlike the young, nubile, innocent lady on the post below (you’re welcome).

To illustrate my folly, I give you the world’s most influential “C” student, attempting to dribble a basketball with the World Champion Miami Heat.

You go, Little Georgie.