Tip Off Talk

Free agent Chris Webber has four potential suitors.

Webber played for Detroit this past season and is now a free agent. The Lakers, Mavericks, Magic and Detroit have all surfaced in the Webber lottery.

The 34-year-old F/C remains competent when healthy, averaging 11.3 ppg., and 6.7 rpg., in the defense-oriented Pistons scheme.

Problem is, Webber has never been much of an Ironman, missing an average of 28 games per season over the past four years.

So fragile is the 6-10, 245-pounder, in fact, that he has never played more than 76 games in any of his 13 seasons.

And now … the rookie Webber gets pretty all over Chaz.

If ESPN reports it, that’s one thing.

If the Associated Press reports it, you can pretty well take it to the bank.

Earlier today, the AP credited an anonymous source who had Kevin Garnett going to Boston for Al Jefferson, Sebastian Telfair, Gerald Green and Theo Ratliff.

Further updates as events warrant.

And now … KG’s block party.

Don’t mess with them at the strip club. Chances are they, or someone in their entourage, is packin’ iron.
Don’t mess with them on the court. Chances are they, or one of their teammates, will charge into the stands and beat your Mo-town ass down.

If you want to get an NBA player, get them at their Chicago home.

Just roll up in your lowered El Camino, brush your curb feelers up against their suburban concrete guttars and go.

Saturday morning, New York Knicks player Tim Curry was robbed at gunpoint by three masked robbers in his Chicago home. The resourceful trio bound the Curry family with duct tape and made off with jewelry, cash and several pairs of panties. The value of the undergarments was not disclosed.

Three weeks earlier — also in Chicago — Antoine Walker was robbed at home in a similar fashion. In the Walker case, however, a vehicle was also stolen at gunpoint. No word on missing panties. Mmmm. Panties.

And now … Panties (who are these people?).

Smush Parker turned pro in 2002.
In that time, he has played for six NBA teams — no, make that seven. Coincidence.

Over those seasons, Parker has averaged 9.4 points and 26 minutes. That’s cool for a 6-foot-4, 190-pound kid from Fordham.
He has also averaged 1.3 steals and 2.5 rebounds. OK. Not preposterously poor.

Problem is, Smush (known by his momma as William) has averaged just 2.9 assists as a POINT GUARD. The past two seasons, he even had the hard cutting Kobe “Barely Legal” Bryant to dish to.

Earlier this week, Smush signed with the Miami Heat.
Shaq, it was nice knowin ya.

And now … Who’s the point guard here? Thanx, KB.

Demon Deacons coach Skip Prosser suffered a fatal heart attack Thursday during a mid-day jog.

Prosser finished with a career 126-68 (.649) mark at Wake and produced such NBA players as Chris Paul, Darius Songalia, and Josh Howard. In Prosser’s six seasons behind the clipboard in Winston-Salem, Wake Forest went to the NCAA tournament four times and won the ACC title once. He also coached Division-I ball at Xavier and Loyola.

And now … better times at WF. Thanks, coach.

Fine. Tim Donaghy is a cad. Whatever. Call him a name and get past it.
The chief casualty in the Timothy Donaghy story is you and I — folks who enjoy a good debate on basketball’s numerous judgement calls.

That was yesterday. This is today.

From now on, every time we see a curious call, we will be thinking FIX!

Charge vs. block.
Foul vs. blocked shot.
Three steps vs. two.
Rookie calls vs. veteran calls.

All gone — thanks to a penny ante schmuck official.
Pardon me while I stick my finger down my throat.

And now … it’s enough to make you puke (wait for the end)

Tim Donaghy is an admitted gambling addict.
Tim Donaghy is an NBA official.
Tim Donaghy is apparently the new Pete Rose.

The 13-year NBA official is currently under investigation by the FBI for affecting betting lines in games he was working.

Know this: this is not an indictment. This is not a subpoena. This is a report of an investigation only.

If true, it makes the Black Sox scandal in Major League Baseball look like small potatoes.

We will wait and see. In the meantime, NBA commish David Stern said the following to the Associated Press regarding the investigation
“We would like to assure our fans that no amount of effort, time or personnel is being spared to assist in this investigation, to bring to justice an individual who has betrayed the most sacred trust in professional sports, and to take the necessary steps to protect against this ever happening again.”

Sounds like the guy knows something the AP doesn’t, eh?

And now … what Donaghy deserves IF it is true.

When you live in a world of information control and totalitarian rule, you think people will believe anything.

And when Chinese officials say Yi Jianlian says he doesn’t want to sign with the Milwaukee Bucks because of decreased opportunity, they obviously believe we are stupid.

The first excuse was that Milwaukee was a small city with virtually no Chinese culture/influence.
The second excuse was that big men Brian Skinner, Charlie Bell and Andrew Bogut were too good — keeping Yi Jianlian from growing as a player due to decreased court time.

Poppycock!

Between them, those Skinner Bell and Bogut average less than 30 points per game, and Skinner barely averages 3.

If the 6-foot-11 Yi Jianlian is so good, he could blast into that starting lineup, have is fortune cookie and eat it too.

Sorry, Chinese Basketball Association owners. This is America. While we may be grotesquely wealthy, fat, lazy and morally starved, we are not stupid. We are not peasants living in shanty towns on the banks of the Sohngua River.

Save the BS for the locals. If you don’t want to market your wares in Milwaukee, fine. Just say so. Be honest about it and take your string bean forward home.

And now … Yi Jianlian showing off his sweet defense.

—- MESSAGE REPEATS —- Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest were suspended by the NBA. —- MESSAGE REPEATS —- Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest were suspended by the NBA. —- MESSAGE REPEATS —- Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest were suspended by the NBA. —- MESSAGE REPEATS —- Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest were suspended by the NBA.

You remember Artest. He was that Indiana Pacers tool who went postal on the fans in Detroit back in 2004, beating down MoTown’s best hecklers to earn a 73 game sit-down.

You remember Jackson. He was right there beating down ticket holders, earning a 30 game vacation.

In their most recent call to the principal’s office, bad boys Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson were suspended Sunday by the NBA. Artest, who pleaded no contest to a domestic violence charge in May, will lose $471,000.

Jackson, apparently unable to get satisfaction at an Indianapolis strip club in late 2006, opted to get his rocks off by firing a pistol into the air — a felony called criminal recklessness. Jackson will lose just over $400K in salary.

NBA action — it’s Fan-tastic.

And now … Anger Management

China hates Milwaukee.
Furthermore, China loathes Salt Lake City, Charlotte, Minneapolis, Memphis and Toronto.

Because when you’re a Chinese official built like Kim Jong Il, there is no way in Shanghai you’re going to send a 7-foot egg roll (Yi Jianlian) to a second rate American city.

Thing is, it appears Yi is not nearly physical enough to play the NBA stage. As such, a place like Milwaukee would be a perfect place to either A) toughen up or B) fold like a card table.

Latest reports have Jianlian landing in Sacramento or Philly — places where you can get all the Oyster Sauce and peanut brittle your heart desires.

And now … feeding the mis-assigned hype

So what if the guy’s dad is a living legend.
So what his surname looks sweet on the back of a yellow jersey.

Luke Walton is an NBA role player at best. And it appears that is enough to sign him to a 6 year, $30 Million contract.

I heard courtside seats were expensive in Los Angeles, but this strains reason.

In 262 professional games, the 27-year-old Walton has averaged 5.3 points, 3.1 rebounds and 2.4 assists as a small forward. Small indeed.

And now … Luke doing what Luke does best — passing to Kobe

The Utah Jazz let Derek Fisher out of his contract because of his 11-month old daughter’s eye cancer. They let him out to pursue more advanced medical care than he could find in Salt Lake City.

Now it appears the 32-year-old D-Fish is headed back to Los Angeles to run the Triangle Offense for Kobe and the gang.

Who knows? At a reported $5 Million per season, Fisher is an absolute steal. Odom will make $13.5M next year and Kwame brown will pull $9.075. Even Vlad-Rad (Vladimir Radmanovic) will draw a $5.6M paycheck.

Kinda sucks for the Jazz tho.

And now … a blast from the 1999 Lakers past, featuring Shaq, Fisher, Fox and Kobe.

No. 1 pick and savior of Portland basketball Greg Oden is likely to miss the rest of the summer league due to swollen tonsils.
Apparently, G.O. will have a tonsillectomy just after the taping of the ESPY awards Saturday. Through two summer league games, Oden has 19 points, seven rebounds and 19 fouls.

And now … the big man playing large.

The scuttlebutt goes like this — KG to Golden State for No. 8 pick Brandan Wright, Monta Ellis and a scatterling of ungainly contracts.

Sources are saying talks between Golden State and the T-Wolves are “Real and advanced.” Stay tuned.

And now, Warriors guard Baron Davis dunking on his potential future teamie:

Citing an ESPN report and Dan Patrick Show interview, it appears that veteran Grant Hill will sign with the Phoenix Suns next week.

To the DP show (kudos to azcentral.com report) on what team best suits Hill’s game style and thirst for an NBA title: fitting his game and title chances.

“Best suit my style? Phoenix, and I think both teams are the two best teams in the league. But if you want an answer, I’ll say Phoenix . . . Suiting my style would be an adjustment (with the Spurs).

On potential move:
“It’s a situation where the next couple weeks, couple months, I have some hard decisions to make. My wife (singer Tamia) and I are very rooted in Orlando. We love it there. But at the same time, I want to win and I want to be a part of it. I don’t want to be on the sidelines. I don’t want to be, no offense to M.L. Carr, waving the towel. I want to be out there on the court producing, being productive and being a part of these things.”

Now it appears he will get his wish before his 35th birthday (October). You go, old timer.

And now, Hill’s finest postgraduate work: