Tip Off Talk

Reggie Miller today on the Dan Patrick Show:

RM: Memo to Duke’s Gerald Henderson, if you make that foul in the NBA, expect a 5 to 10 game suspension and a fine. …
(Would that have been an acceptable foul back in 1997?)
RM: In my day, yes. Today, no. Y’know, if there was no blood on his face, it’s just a good, hard foul. Today’s game is full of a bunch of Ballerinas. That foul would have got you a five, maybe 10, game suspension and a fine.”
BRINGING THE SMACK — REGGIE MILLER IS BACK

Granted, Patrick was baiting a good friend, busting his chops and forcing the issue of Reggie’s return. In addition, the timing of the studio work was fantastic, if not inspired.

In the midst of his rant about Henderson’s Sunday chop (see below), Miller Monday started calling out other players in the NBA as Ballerinas.
Yes, Ballerinas. Challenging not only their manhood, but the soft nature of the game they play. Jump shots from 18 feet. Uncontested rebounds on the baseline. Faking injury like French soccer players.

Does this sound like the objective, studied voice of a TNT analyst or ESPN Radio contributor? Sounds more like a guy talking trash before the start of the stretch run.

You heard it here first. Reggie is talking trash — Hence, he’s got his game on. Reggie WILL return. He WILL return.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled collegiate bloodfest.

March is the third month in the Gregorian Calendar. It has 31 days, including one dedicated to mass consumption of Green Beer. (Mmmm. Green beer.)

Known by Greeks as Ares and Romans as Mars, the month of March gets its name from the God of War.
Mars — the red, bloody scar in the night sky.
Mars — Minister of Wrath. Lord of the Death Knights.

If you don’t think the name “Ares” sounds tough enough for a War God, just put one or two of those titles behind it. Ares, God of War, Minister of Wrath. Or even your name — “Bill, God of War, Lord of the Death Knights.”

If the Greeks had more swords and fewer orgies, the third month might even be known as “Arrch.” Better yet, just make the M silent and sound off like a thirsty, Greek pirate - “Aaaarccch!”

That, patient reader, brings us to the subject of Aaarrcchh Madness. The month isn’t even 60 hours old, and already the upsets are stacking up.

THURSDAY
Georgia Tech punks No. 8 Heels 84-77: The Jackets saddled NC with its sixth loss of the season. Five of those have come against the ACC. Go figure.
Utah State bull-rushes No. 10 Nevada 79-77 in OT: Incidentally, if you have never seen a game at the Dee Glen Smith Spectrum in Logan, Utah, punch yourself a first class ticket to the Intermountain West’s own Happy Valley. When Cal Poly is in town, it’s a little calm. But bring Nevada, Utah or especially BYU into the 10K-seat Spectrum, and it’s flat nutty. Has that Kentucky-Louisville feel to it.
The 142-140 triple-OT loss to then-national power UNLV in 1985 was the best game ever played. OK, the best game I ever saw on TV. All right. The best game I ever read about in the paper.

By now, you know of the sordid snowboarding tale involving Vladimir Radmanovic. Quick recap: He separated his shoulder snowboarding, lied about it and tried to pass it off as a basketball injury.

Vladimir Radmanovic makes $63,597 per game. Thursday, The Lakers fined Rad-Man $500,000 or the equivalent of 7.8 games salary. Now, this is what sticks in my biscuit. He will be out for eight weeks or 25 games or the equivalent of $1.59 million.

If you are one of the 360 people on planet earth who play in the NBA, you have one, simple obligation — do what you can to make yourself available for 82 games.

That’s it. No big whoop. If you fail to do this by violating a specific clause in your contract, you forfeit the benefits of 360 membership. That is, ca$h. A fine of $500,000 is less than one-third of the appropriate punishment.

Radmanoivic had never tried snowboarding before and busted up his $5 million shoulder doing it. Then he fabricated a story about how he slipped and fell on an icy sidewalk. A fine of $2 million would have been a light punishment.

Rad-Man plays just 18 minutes per game. He is a role player at best. And when a guy in the mailroom lies about knocking up your daughter, you void his 5-year, $30.2 million contract.

What in the name of Samuel L. Jackson is going on with the NBA lately? With all the major injuries announced in recent days, you would think there was another All Star game coming up.
Whatever the reason, season-ending and season-threatening injuries are popping up all over the league like so many Whack-A-Mole moles. What’s more, the boo-boos are scattered all over the league’s top talent.

The damage report since Sunday:

Wally Szczerbiak, Bos. — Wednesday: Season-ending ankle surgery.
Stephen Jackson, G.S. — Tuesday: broken left big toe, timetable pending.
Shaun Livingston, LAC. — Monday: Triple ligament tear Out 8-12 months.
Vladimir Radmanovic, LAL. — Thursday: Separated shoulder while snowboarding in Utah. Out 8 weeks minimum.
Dwayne Wade, Mia. — Last week: Dislocated shoulder. Still no diagnosis update. Second opinion due Friday.

Jamal Crawford, NYK. — Tuesday: Stress fracture of right ankle. Surgery likely, should miss rest of season.

If you missed it, here’s the Livingston blowout. Gnarly. Shades of Joe Theismann.

To lighten things up a bit, check out this kid. You will watch it at least three times, guaranteed.

Two options face Heat guard Dwayne Wade. He separated his shoulder

The injury is simple enough. His shoulder junk is jacked up — clinically speaking, of course.
To repair this jacked up junk (seen at left), he either has to 1) Sign on to a team-first rehabilitation timetable. Sit at home in a bling-bling sling, unable to even work a PlayStation paddle. OR 2) Surgically restore the junk to near-perfect status. Not only does it justify DW’s recent pain-threshold display (see DW game injury vid below), he also gets a groovy battle scar.

I say cut and run, Dwayne. Do the sensible thing. Even if you get back with 10 games to play, you’re still going to be a 7 or 8 seed. Even if you wash over the East, do you really think you could beat any of the top West seeds in a 7-game final?
Not with you tender. Not with Shaq Diesel raiding the Icy-Hot patch cabinet. Not with that title target on your sore chest.

Now, for everyone who had fried tripe and undercooked bacon for breakfast, Shoulder Surgery

DJ, we hardly knew ye.
At 52, Dennis Johnson was still tutoring the world’s best young talent. Johnson, coach of the NBA Developmental league’s Austin Toros, collapsed and died Thursday following practice.

Toros spokeswoman Perri Travillion said she and Johnson were outside joking about a parking ticket when Johnson fell unconscious to the ground.

Earlier, Johnson and Toros player Jamar Smith played a game of one-on-one after practice and Johnson appeared normal.

Travillion said she called 911 and that Johnson never regained consciousness. She said Johnson did not appear to have overexerted himself at practice and didn’t complain of any discomfort before he collapsed.

Paramedics tried for 23 minutes to resuscitate Johnson before he was taken to a hospital and pronounced dead. Results from an autopsy are forthcoming.

One of the best defensive guards to ever play the game, DJ, a man who rode the bench as a high school senior, closes out the 1979 NBA finals not with a jumper or a fast break, but with a blocked shot.

It’s good to know the jinx is still alive.
One day after landing the first No. 1 ranking in school history, Wisconsin lost. Some 38 hours after climbing to the top of the NCAA Division-I men’s basketball world for the first time ever, the Badgers immediately fell from grace 64-55 at Michigan St.

Back in the day, any appointment to top of the AP Top 25 (and even Top 20) poll spelled certain doom. With the exception of the straight-shot runs of UNLV and Duke in the late 80s and early 90s, teams ranked No. 1 in the AP Basketball have been marked like so many suburban fire hydrants.

In addition to wearing a Bulls-eye, most teams are undefeated or nearly so beacuse they haven’t played their toughest games. No team leaves a road game at Missouri or Texas or Kansas or Michigan State ranked No. 1.

It’s good to know, whether based in superstition or statistical probability, that the No. 1 curse is alive and kicking. Ohio State (24-3) is on deck to assume the Bulls-eye as the new No. 1. Coming up for the Buckeyes next Thursday? Wisconsin (26-3).

IN THE NEWS:

Big league baseball in Vegas? No.
NFL football? Nuh uh.
NHL, MLS, Aussie Rules Football? Probably not.

But the NBA? Now that’s a fit.
The NBA is the only major sports league that could possibly connect a city as disconnected as Vegas.

Residents of Las Vegas are like porn cinematographers — they don’t get a kick out of the strip.

As such, the last place they would ever find themselves on a Tuesday night is down at the Bellagio with Barry Manilow and lobster thermidor. Been there, lied about that.

The NBA? Well, now that’s the kind of thing people in Vegas are starved for — unscripted, live entertainment. A team in Vegas would be like a team in Utah. And the team in Utah has the city of Salt Lake by the haunches.
Everyone in Utah loves the Jazz. It’s the only game going. The same would apply in Sin City. There are enough actual citizens in Clark County to support an NBA franchise, and most of them know a really good place to get a sweet $2 Highball postgame.

Certainly we can’t do worse than New Orleans, Kansas City or the Garden-less Boston when it comes to NBA franchise cities. At least in Vegas, the Hornets and Celtics would be wanted. At least they would be loved. At least in Vegas they would be loved by many, many, many nubile, fresh young women (or men, as the case may be).

Just in case you missed it, this is the NBA’s 2006 pre AS game whatnot. Brilliant. Laughed out lout at Yao Ming. Or is that Ming Yao?

Before Timmy Hardaway, guards generally used either their bodies or the ball to fake out opponents. Hardaway used both. And when TH hit the college hardwood at UTEP back in 1985, the crossover was brought into high hoops fashion. Just ask AI.
By now, surely you know Timmy said “I hate gay people,” on Wednesday. In doing so, he forever identified himself as the ‘I hate gay people’ basketball guy. Forget the crossover. Forget the story of the 6-foot point guard who achieved in a sport of giants.

He hates gay people. We might as well cut the epitaph in his tombstone today. — “Here lies Timothy Duane Hardaway. He loved basketball and chewing gum — but, man, did he ever hate those gay people.”

Best part of the story? Hardaway was listed as the seventh most likely “Gay Baller”in 2001 by Outsports.com. Check out the list. Good times.

You have likely heard the Dan LeBatard “I hate gay people” interview. What you likely did not hear were Hardaway’s comments during an interview with WSVN-Miami’s Jim Berry. To be fair, he later apologized for the following:

Hardaway: I can’t stand being around a person knowing that they sleep with someone of the same sex.
WSVN: So if you had a family member who was gay, you’re saying, that you would hate them?
Hardaway: Yes. I wouldn’t talk to them.
WSVN: But what if you were gay, Timmy?
Hardaway: I’m not gay.
WSVN: But what if you were? What if I told you were gay in 2001?
Hardaway: Well, I guess I wouldn’t talk to myself then.
WSVN: You wouldn’t talk to yourself if you were gay?
Hardaway: Correct. I wouldn’t talk to myself; I wouldn’t look in the mirror . . . hell, I’d probably punch myself in the face. Repeatedly.

Yes!! Nothing says “I am NOT gay” more than self abuse. Hey, man, nice shot.

IN THE NEWS:
Just for fun at 41: Scottie Pippen is entertaining notions of a return to the NBA. Word is he’s healthy, fit and ready to sign a 10-day contract with a contender for the stretch run. You go, old timer.

Boston hosts Milwaukee on Valentine’s Day. Tip-off, 7:30 p.m. New England time.

Should the Bucks win, the Celtics will be a mortal lock to set the NBA’s all-time futility mark.
Yeah, it would only be the team’s 19th-straight loss. And, yeah, the team would be off for the rest of All-Star Weekend.

When they come back, however, the Celtics are staring down a 5-game losing streak. They return from the break on a 5-game Western Conference road swing.

Feb. 20 at Sacramento — Loss by 12. The Kings’ 22-27 in the West is good for 33-17 in the East.
Feb. 21 at Phoenix — Loss by 38. Nash or no Nash.
Feb. 23 at L.A. Lakers — Loss by 22. Kobe held to 44.
Feb. 24 at Utah — Loss by 26. Fourth game in 5 nights spells Zzzzz.
Feb. 26 at Houston — Loss by 8. Consolation? Team Frequent Flyer mileage can be used to buy paper sacks for return to New England.
At this point, the Celtics tie Cleveland’s all time streak of 24 losses, having left the Nuggets and Grizzlies single-season 23-game streaks in the Salt Lake City dust.

Once it becomes a record, the team that allows the streak to end will never live it down. No one wants to say they lost to Boston. That’s like saying you lost an arm wrestle to your kid sister.

By rule, David Stern should require the team who next loses to the Celtics to wear hot pants for the rest of the regular season. You want to pack the stands and fill the 2007-08 Media Guide?
Two words. Hot pants.

Once they’re home, then:
Feb. 28 vs. New York — Can you imagine the New York Post headline should the Knickerbockers lose? “Coach Thomas blames Amaechi book for undermining locker room chemistry — agrees to wear Hot Pants for David Stern”
Then it’s New Jersey on the road followed by home dates against Minnesota, Houston, Seattle and Chicago.
Realistically, if they don’t dump Milwaukee on Wednesday, this thing could hit 30.

Gilbert Arenas promised us 50 points against Portland the other night. What he did was score nine. Good thing it wasn’t a pinky promise.

Upon hearing the promise, I just smirked and shook my head. I then read the corresponding box score (3-of-15 fg, 0-8 3-pointers) in a 94-73 home loss, and I again stood back, arms folded and judged his foolishness.

But you know what? That is the first Wizards box I looked for all season. I scanned the others out of habit, sure. But this one, I chased down with intent. I was hooked. Entertained, whether he hit for 9 or 69.

And while Mr. Zero hasn’t posted on his groovy NBA blog since failing to get one fifth of his promised total, this is the kind of smack talk the league needs. Nothing is more cowardly than talking yourself up after a great game. Talking it up before a game takes sack.

IN THE NEWS ——
Shoulder smolder: Nash pulled out of this weekend’s All-Star Game with a bum shoulder. It has already cost him 3-plus games, and now the 33-year-old has the perfect excuse to skip both Sunday’s AS game and Saturday’s Skills Challenge against Kobe, LeBron and D-Wade.
Streaks of note: Utah has won 5, Detroit 7, and John Amaechi has run off 5-straight days of unwarranted fame. Make that 5-alternative lifestyle days of unwarranted fame. Not a basketball story, though, so this is likely all you will hear about it in this space.
The Emperor’s new hip: Heat coach Pat Riley is expected back from hip replacement and knee surgery after the AS break. We will allow five minutes for rebuttal.

I know it’s long, but this is a reminder how much better a guy like Arenas is than you and I.

Stop it.
Stop cheering for the Lakers when they play the Celtics.
Stop pulling for the Mavs when they take on San Antonio.
Just stop it. Stop acting like these are “rivalries”.

There is no such thing as an NBA rivalry — make that, a franchise rivalry.

When Nash plays Wade — now that’s a rivalry.
When Kobe plays LeBron — that’s a rivalry.
When Shaq plays against the 15-foot free-throw stripe — that’s a rivalry.

It was never Bird vs. Magic, or Parrish vs. Abdul-Jabbar. Back in those days, the franchise, the fans and the team ruled. So, too, did the Illegal Defense penalty which forced 1-on-1s.

More and more — to its short-term success and long-term detriment — the NBA is a showcase for individual, gymnastic talent.

Thanks for nothing, MJ.

IN THE NEWS:
Kobe 36, LeBron 18. In a related story: Cavs 99, Lakers 90
Celtics lose 18th straight — Former Celtics player Ricky Davis hit a shot from the corner with 0.2 seconds to dump Boston 109-107 on Sunday. Record single-season losing streak? 23
Duke loses fourth straight for first time in 11 years. — Go Terps! Beat Army.
High Times in Spokane — Gonzaga U, the Eastern Washington Catholic School of recent basketball fame, suspended Josh Heytvelt and Theo Davis after the pair was arrested for marijuana and psychedelic mushroom possession on Friday. Davis is a freshman Schmo. Heytvelt, however, is a 6-foot-11 a starting sophomore forward who leads the team in scoring average at 15.5.

Just how bad are the Celtics?
With another blowout loss Friday night, the Boston Celtics have lost a franchise-record 17 straight.

The NBA record for consecutive losses is 23 and was reached twice — first by the 1995-96 Vancouver Grizzlies and then by the 1997-98 Denver Nuggets. The Grizz were a first-year expansion team and finished 15-67. Denver was, well, in Colorado and finished 11-71 for the second-worst season in league history.

The 2006-07 Celtics are already 12-37. Further they play in the East. Problem is, once they tore down Boston Garden and moved into that antiseptic, fan-friendly multi-purpose arena, the team lost its soul.

Boston Garden was demolished in late 1997. Starting with the 1998-99 season, the Celtics are 309-364 (.459). Before demolition day, the team was 2461-1541 with a .615 winning percentage.

Good move, Beantown.
Next, why don’t you raze Fenway and build a dome.
Then you can hire out tunnel construction to the lowest bidder.
Then squabble and lose Adam Vinatieri over a bag of nickels. Wait, scratch that one.

IN THE NEWS:
Washington State won its 20th game Friday, marking the first 20-win season in Pullman since 1994.
SF Carmelo Anthony (boo!) and G/F Josh Howard were named as NBA All-Star replacements Friday. They replace injured seletions C Yao Ming and F Carlos Boozer. NBA commish David Stern made the replacement selections.
PG Steve Nash still has a sore shoulder. Stay tuned to see if he plays at home Sunday vs. Chicago.

And now, the best entertainment available at TD Banknorth Garden in Boston (Five Bowls!)

Much like a 4-pack of edible panties, the NBA All Star weekend sounds interesting. Downright appealing, even.

Folks in the know, however, tell a different story. The pressure of the Skills Challenge. All those experts judging slam-dunks. Even long-range shooting.

This year’s 3-day NBA All Star Bazaar and music show will be held in Las Vegas. And you know what the Las Vegas department of tourism says: What happens in Vegas — is the reason your wife will get the dog in the divorce settlement.

As we, the refs, the players and the coaches certainly agree, the All Star game itself is nonsense. The Saturday skills exhibition? Now that is good, honest Lithium-inspired entertainment.

Fans pack the house to watch the dunk contest, 3-point shoot, skills challenge and shooting stars challenge every bloody season. And why not? You get to see a bunch of gym rats in their natural habitat. Just think of it as an Ecological study commissioned by David Stern.

Coming in dead last:
4) Shooting Stars Challenge — first, if you don’t have a WNBA team in your city, you can’t play. Weak. Just another WNBA force-feed by the league.
Best part — Half-court shot.

3) Dunk Contest — the novelty of watching a guy dunk against no defense has just worn off. Is more like rhythmic gymnastics than basketball.
It peaked on Dee Brown’s Peek-A-Boo. It officially jumped the shark when Cedric Ceballos dunked “blindfolded.”
Best part — 2007 class of judges — Dr. J., Michael Jordan, Vince Carter, Dominique Wilkens and Kobe Bryant.

2) 3-point shoot — No judges. No WNBA piggyback. Make more shots - you win. Make fewer shots - you pick up a 4-pack of edible undergarments and return to your luxury hotel for $500-an-hour sympathy.
Best part — Old, fuzzy Larry Bird highlights, SEE BELOW (watch him call the money ball long before it drops)

1) Skills Challenge — It brings out the world’s best all-around players. Nash, LeBron, Wade and Kobe. Can you do better?
Best part — how high the winner holds the trophy.