Tip Off Talk

Following UNC’s 83-79 loss to NC State, North Carolina coach Roy Williams called his team “fat and happy.”

So what does that make them today, following the Heels 79-73 road win over Rival Duke on Wednesday night? Slender and sad?

Whatever the intention of the verbal jab, it was effective as Coach W got another one over on Coach K. When you woke up Thursday, Duke was on its first 3-game losing skid since 1999.

The question now is, does an 18-6 Duke remain in the Top 25? If Arizona is any measure, absolutely. UA is 15-7 and 6-5 in Pac-10 play. Yet they are still ranked No. 24 in the AP Poll.

Good gravy. What, short of a pan to the face, could shake Duke out of the rankings? The 17-7 Terps.

Duke’s next two games are on the road starting with Sunday at Maryland. Valentine’s Day finds Duke at 17-6 (8-2 ACC) Boston College.

This skid could realistically hit five games. Look for Paxil prescriptions and binge eating to increase this coming week in Durham.

I never really bought into the ACC hype.

Sure, ACC teams have been scattered from hell to breakfast all over my 64/65 team bracket year after year. I rolled my eyes every time I saw a 16-14 NC State or Maryland team as a 10 seed.

One single number has changed my ACC opinion forever.
The number? Three.

Before winning on the road at Duke the other day, Florida State had not won three consecutive ACC games in the past 12 years.

No 3-game win streaks against ACC teams in 12 years.
Not a one.
In 12 years.
Not even one 3 gamer.
Not even one.
As in zero.
Zilch.
Follow?

This is a league with Virginia and Va Tech in it. This is a league that harbors Miami, Boston College and Clemson.

Surely, over the course of a dozen seasons a team could string 3. Surely.
Just win a two-game home stand with a road win on either side. All you need is a personal hot streak in phase with another team’s lull. Just that easy.

But at no time in the past 12 years has this synthesis materialized. Not even once.

You can’t say that about any other conference. Not the Big Ten, Pac-10 or Shaq-10. Everywhere else in the vast D-I world, the dirtiest dogs have their days.

Not the ACC.

Despite wielding the recruiting powers of Zeus, the Seminoles have not scrapped out a 3 gamer since Vanilla Ice was hip.

It’s almost enough to make you scatter hell to breakfast.

Glory be.
At long last, we can cast off this NFL shell and get down to the honest business of cagery.

That’s right. I said it. Enough of your oblate ellipsoid and tiresome weekend schedule. Enough of your body padding, oxygen masks and TV timeouts.

In case you had guacamole in your eyes and missed it, one Midwestern team beat another Midwestern team in the Super Bowl last night. Good for the NFL, the winning team and the tooth fairy. The next four months belong to us hardwood types.

Power, brothers!

What follows may be the saddest thing you have ever seen. Keep a hanky handy.

An All Star doesn’t miss the team plane.
An All Star doesn’t show up to practice drunk.
An All Star doesn’t punch you in the face when your back is turned.

Carmelo Anthony is no All Star.

Not to say he’s a drunk or a jet dodger. But if you are going to go out for a nice meal withYello Mello, make sure you keep your eyes front. As soon as you look away, he might punch you in the face and steal your breadsticks.

Yeah, he leads the NBA in scoring at 31.3 ppg. But an All Star is there, night in and night out. Denver has played 44 games. Carmelo? 29. His team is two games above .500. Without him they were 7-8.

Fact is, the kid should be taking Syracuse into the promised land right now as a much-ballyhooed senior. The kid is just 22. He should be beating up freshmen on his way to the freshly-tapped keg at some frat party tonight. Not spitting in the popcorn at Madison Square Garden.

Should David Thaddeus Stern select him to replace Yao on the Western Conference roster for the forthcoming Feb. 18 All Star gala, It will be a blatant public relations move. At the same time, it will be a blatant PR move to NOT select him.

Given the choice between the two evils, I am going to go off the board and pick the Bears minus-7 points.

Below — Carmelo: No All Star.

When your Grandpa was a kid, they had a lot of names for “coward”.
Scaredy-cat, Chicken-liver, Crybaby and Frenchie.

If two 7-year-old boys wanted to fight on the playground, so be it. The teachers looked the other way and all the kids were tougher as a result.

Back then if you knocked a guy down, he usually stayed down. If he got back up, you hit him again until he went down.

Pre-pubescent boys punching each other in the face was a simple rite of passage — like playing mailbox baseball or learning how to spit.

There among the bloody noses and torn knit shirts of yesteryear was one supreme insult to budding manhood. So offensive was this jab that it rose above common noun status.

When they called you “Yellow,” that meant something entirely different. Yellow meant you were afraid. Too afraid. A genuine coward.

Those others were just allusions, suggesting you were a Chicken, metaphorically. Suggesting you were acting like a baby. Or that you refused cheap wine like a Parisian.

When a guy calls you Yellow? Whooeee! Them’s knit shirt-tearin’ words.

What Carmello Anthony did in Madison Square Garden (see video below at 0:44 and 3:07) was cowardice defined. That is to say, Yellow. Sucker punch a man when his head is turned and then run away? Yeah. Downright Yello. Mello Yello, as it were.

I know. Long road, little house. But I’ll tell you what. If a 9-year-old Mello Yello were to pull this on a 1936 playground, some groundskeeper would have beat him senseless with a rake handle.

The coaches and fans did the next best thing and voted him out of this weekend’s All-Star silliness. It’s almost enough to make you invest in the blossoming Colorado rake handle market.

Leave it to LeBron to lay down the jinx.
Following the Suns 115-100 road win over the Cavaliers on Sunday, the 22-year-old wunderkind spit out the following, doomsday quote.
“The way they’re playing right now, they’re unbeatable,” James said.
And with that one quip — Booom-shakalaka — the seventh-longest winning streak in NBA history was jinxed out of existence.

After winning 17-of-17 and 33-of-35, the Suns lost a road game Monday night at Minnesota. Now that the 17-game run is over, it is high time to break it down.

THE LOSSES
During the 35-game run of fun which began November 20 at Golden State, the Suns lost a 144-139 OT home track meet to the Bullets (I refuse to recognize that kinder, gentler name) and 101-99 to the Mavs in Dallas.

Bullets (that’s right – Bullets) 144, Suns 139, OT
Gilbert Arenas lost his mind that Friday night, going off for 54. His bank-in 3-pointer from the top of the key broke a stalemate late in the overtime period. If the game were played on a Philadelphia playground, however, the shot would not have counted because GA never called the bank.

Mavs 101, Suns 99
A loss is a loss, sure. But a road loss on a buzzer beater by the NBA’s best team bites like an orthodontist’s dog.
Jason Terry scored 32 points over the final 18 minutes and set up Dirk Nowitzki’s last-second 19-footer to steal the win.
Following that Thursday night loss in Dallas, the Suns ran off best 17-gamer.

So when you woke up Tuesday morning, who was the best NBA team? Dallas. No doubt.
Both teams are tied for the league’s best record, but if the Western Conference finals were to start today, only the most dedicated Phoenix homer could ride the Suns bandwagon into the finals.

The Suns are more entertaining, but the Mavs are more versatile and can almost run with Phoenix. In two head-to-head games, Dallas is 2-0. Enough said.

And now, more soccer silliniess from Nash. The guy banks in a 3 from about 40 feet. David Beckham, eat your heart out.

Best NBA news of the past week, in descending order of nifty-ness:

5) Suns winning streak hits 17.
At 17 games, this Suns run is approaching the divine. The streak is the longest since the Lakers ran off a 19-gamer six years ago, and is the seventh-longest winning streak in NBA history. The longest? A 33 gamer by the ’72 Lakers.

4) King James and the Toe of Woe
LeBron James stubbed his toe in a game earlier this week, and keeps dinging the thing every time he straps on his leathers.
The bad news? X-Rays were negative. It is bad news because, if James were to sit out 2 months, he would have the time to do another sweet set of commercials with Microsoft.

3) Eric Musselman, Sacramento Kings coach
EM is on the hook for $580 large after pleading no contest to DUI. Documents put the his blood alcohol content at 0.11 — barely enough to start a grease fire.
NOTE to NBA types — drop the rims, get out of the Escalade and get a stripped down Camry. Should you follow this advice, you could be doing lines on the dashboard in front of Holy Rosary Elementary or and not get busted.

2) Bird of Paradise
Taking a page out of the Michael Vick Book of Classiness (actually, its more of a pamphlet than a book) Atlanta Hawks forward Josh Smith made a number of obscene gestures at the crowd in Charlotte.
In Smith’s defense, his gestures were directed at the road team’s fans — not a bunch of 10-year-old home fans in $250 Vick replica jerseys.

1) Is there a problem officer?
Consistent with his lust for police work, Shaquille O’Neal and his bodyguard tailed a hit-and-run driver at 4 a.m. after the team returned from a road game at Chicago.
Some 18-year-old kid apparently T-boned Shaq’s parked Escalade to inspire the pursuit. To his credit, O’Neal dodged the media circus, speaking only through the team.
Below, your most recent installment of Shaq - Undercover

MONDAY MOVERS REPORT
Atlanta Hawks – signed F Jeremy Richardson to 10-Day Contract
Sacramento Kings — signed F/C Justin Williams and waived PF Maurice Taylor
Seattle SuperSonics — signed F/C Andre Brown

The international Steve Nash love festival has officially gotten out of hand.
The two-time NBA MVP is definitely the best floor pusher and pace maker in the game today — there is no question.
But some cactus cuddling Arizona yutz was chirping him up the other day as – get this – the best point guard ever. As this sun-dried sap went off in true Bill Walton fashion, Nash became the focus of a long list of superlatives and absolutes.
But when he said Nash was better at his prime than Magic, Stockton and Cousy at theirs, I coughed up a chicken bone.
Nash turns 33 in two weeks and is currently playing the best basketball of his career. It is difficult to imagine him better than he is right now.
I understand the game is different, the league is younger and the ice caps are smaller. I understand it can be argued this kind of statistical joust is nonsense.
But, hey, that’s why they keep stats. So we can argue about whether Babe Ruth could hit a Brett Hull slapshot.
In their best two seasons:

- PPG APG STPG FG%
Magic 17.9 12.9 1.8 .563

Nash 19.1 10.9 0.8 .521

Stockton 17.2 14.1 2.9 .526

Nash is great, but he doesn’t play defense. Stockton was great, but he didn’t rebound. Magic was great, but he was a point guard stuck in a 6-foot-8 power forward’s body.

So who was the best in their prime? Well, that depends what you’re after. If you’re willing to settle for everything, Stockton’s your guy. If you’re after someone to win the MVP or coach your kid’s soccer team, well …

-Say what you like about Shaquille O’Neal. Say he’s lazy or bored. Say he’s a bad teammate or a prima donna.
-Whatever you say about Shaq Diesel, the man has the biggest hands you will ever see. When laid on an official NBA basketball, the span from thumb to pinky covers more than half the ball. The man’s hands are bloody well huge! It’s awkward to shake hands with him. You suddenly feel like a 6-year-old child meeting your Uncle Thomas for the first time.
-In most ways big hands are a plus for a basketball player. John Stockton has huge hands. So does Jason Kidd, Steve Nash and just about any quality point guard you can name.
-But when you’re shooting free throws, you don’t want your hand wrapping around the ball.
What if a basketball were the size of a volleyball and the rim was 9 feet high and 30 percent smaller? I’ll tell you. You would shoot 40 percent from 15 feet away. No arc, no azimuth, no chance.
-People cap on The Diesel for his shoddy free-throw shooting. With a career 52.8 freebie percentage, maybe they should. But Shaq’s hands are so grotesquely large in comparison with the ball, he finds it nearly impossible to shoot like you or I, as he can’t put two hands on the ball in his pre-shot. No steady guide for a jumper. He is an aberration of nature. And like many aberrations before him (Wilt Chamberlain career 51.1 percent), Shaq can’t shoot the free throw.

-Diesel returned to the Miami Heat lineup on Wednesday night. And while the Heat still lost the game 96-94, Shaq’s return signals the end of the Eastern Conference playoff race.

-Miami ended the night 19-23 with 40 games to play. The good news, of course, is that the East is about as deep as a Theological discussion with Rachael Ray. That is to say, despite their mediocrity, the Heat are just 6 games back of a No. 1 playoff seeding.

-And now, Shaq is back from knee surgery. He’s a little pudgy and a little slow. But as his conditioning improves, so will his game. Forty games from now, you’ll be thanking your lucky stars you put money on the Heat winning the East.

-So go on. Plop that mortgage payment down on the boys from South Beach. With Shaq-Fu clogging the drain down low, Miami is a mortal lock.

-Now get outside and practice shooting that volleyball.

Webber and the 8-player swing dominated the transactions wire this past week. Under the radar, however, there was some minor moving and shaking.
Consistent with our pledge to keep you abreast, here is the weekly Monday Movers Report

* Golden State traded PG Keith McLeod, SF Mike Dunleavy, F/C Ike Diogu and F/C Troy Murphy to Indiana for G/F Stephen Jackson, F Josh Powell, F/C Al Harrington and PG Sarunas Jasikevicius
* Golden State signed F Renaldo Major to a 10-day contract (1-17)
* Golden State PG Baron Davis suspended one game by the league for swinging at Q. Ross

* Detroit Pistons signed free agent PF Chris Webber

* Atlanta Hawks signed Dijon Thompson to a second 10-day contract (1-16)

* Minnesota suspended G/F Ricky Davis one game for leaving the bench during a game.
* Minnesota F Kevin Garnett suspended one game by the league for swinging at A. McDyess

* L.A. Clippers signed G Alvin Williams to a 10-day contract (1-20)

Coming Tuesday, is there enough ball in Denver for Carmello and AI?

Only one NBA player was charged with DUI this past week (Heat rookie G Robert Hite).
To celebrate the near complete lack of NBA run-ins with Johnny Law, Tip-Off Talk gives you Ali-G’s interactions with various NBA superstars. Respek!

Something stinks in Tucson.
And it ain’t the Saguro Tackle and Bait shop down at 5552 East Speedway Boulevard.
No, something is seriously foul on the University of Arizona campus. Using desert bloodhounds and a K-9 support unit, campus security traced the hideous funk right to Olsen Court at McKale Center — the home of the men’s basketball team.
With one win in its past three games, the Wildcats are falling faster than General Motors stock. Granted, this is the Pac-10. And everyone takes it in the teeth now and then.
Everyone, that is, except Lute Olson. Olson has not lost three Pac-10 games in a row since 1984 and his teams have lost three games consecutively twice in 24 seasons.

Following back-to-back losses to conference powers Oregon and USC, who is next on the schedule for UA?
Who else? Those third-ranked UCLA Bruins. The 16-1 Bruins. In front of a sellout crowd of 12,800 in Los Angeles.
Should they lose three straight, it is no wonder. The Ducks, Trojans and Bruins are currently 47-7.

And now, the gratuitous dunks video featuring UA vs. the EA AllStards.
Buck up, Wildcats. It’s OK that the Ducks have supplanted you as the class of the conference.
There are still plenty of at-large bids out there for a 17-12 outfit.

Plain and simple, the 8-player trade that went down between the Warriors and Pacers on Wed., January 17th is middle-management reshuffle.
When you ship four run-of-the-mill talents across the country for four other run-of-the-mill talents five weeks ahead of the Feb. 22 trade deadline, the whole thing stinks of a do-over.
In case you missed it, the Pacers sent Al Harrington, Stephen Jackson, Sarunas Jasikevicius and Josh Powell to Golden State for Mike Dunleavy, Troy Murphy, Ike Diogu and Keith McCleod.
At 20-18, the Pacers are three games shy of the season’s midpoint and three games back of the Cavs in the Eastern Conference’s Central Division.
At 19-21, the Warriors are two games shy of the midpoint and sit 12 games back of Western Conference Pacific Division leader Phoenix.
Were the playoffs to begin today, Indiana would be the East’s seven seed and Golden State would be out.
Problem is, no one is making any noise in the East. No one has separated from the pack and the Pacers could be the No. 1 seed if they put on a 10-game streak. The best team in the east is Cleveland at 23-15.
Pacers General Manager Donnie Walsh has always had an eye for young talent and apparently has seen something he likes in Diogu. Or, perhaps he’s just tired of putting up with grouchy veterans like Jackson.
You have to remember, Golden State is the team that put up serious coin for the mediocre talents of Adonal Foyle, Danny Fortson, and Erick Dampier.
If there is a short-term winner in this trade it is Golden State. Not only do they dump sorry talent, they also get Harrington and potential season saver in Jackson.
In the long-term, however, big bodies like Diogu and Murphy could shake the Pacers loose from their midseason malaise.
In all, however, this is a midseason, middle-management shakeup designed to wakeup.
Ironic video of the week finds Jackson hitting a game-winning 3 against Golden State:

In an effort to better acquaint you with this forum’s format, the far-flung staff here at Tip Off Talk wishes to take you on a mystical journey into the great, wild beyond.
Come, take my hand and fear not the darkness.
Walk with me as we explore the nether regions of this basketball world.
OK. Don’t take my hand. You don’t know where it has been, after all.
But know this: The subject matter for this world of Tip Off Talk will be derived using one simple measure.
Butts.
No, not the person on the business end of a joke, and not those cigarette leftovers in the gutter.
As in the fleshy part of your body used for sitting. As in hiney. Derriere. Tuckus. The back of your front.
The primary measure of content here will be butts in the seats. Or, more accurately, more butts watching.
As a result, you are likely to find more chatter on the Lakers than Clippers. Similarly, expect to find more on the ACC than the Patriot League.
And the first day someone correctly identifies Margo Dydek or names four league teams without peeking, you can expect to see various, nefarious references to the WNBA. Until then, the NBA’s affirmative action effort will have about as much play as the new synthetic NBA ball.
As we continue to operate in the shadow of the NFL playoff season, look for updates and commentary this coming week on Mr. Iverson, Mr. Webber and maybe even Mr. Arenas.
Who knows? There might even be room to hit up a little Florida basketball. Maybe even UCLA or UNC.
So, come, gentle blog fanatic. Come take a ride into the nether regions of this basketball world.
While you’re at it, bring your butt.

Whatever follows in the months to come on Tip-Off Talk, there is one basketball moment which trumps them all.
No, not Villanova’s perfect upset of Georgetown in 1985 or Bobby Knight’s chair toss against Purdue that same season.
No, not Ron Artest beating down Detroit ticketholders or the post-Iverson celebration in Philly.
Instead, this forum begins with something real. It begins with a kid in Rochester, N.Y., named Jason McElway. A kid who turned in the best four-minute performance in basketball history.
Got one better? Not a chance.
This one always bears one more viewing.