Tip Off Talk

Unbeatens
New Orleans 4-0
L.A. Clippers 3-0
Detroit 3-0
Indiana 3-0
Boston 2-0

Injury report  
Atlanta Hawks  Speedy Claxton PG Nov 2, 2007 Sore left knee  Lorenzen Wright C Nov 2, 2007 Plantar fasciitis, right foot  Zaza Pachulia FC Nov 2, 2007 Left knee sprain- out until mid-November

 
Boston Celtics No injuries reported  
Charlotte Bobcats  Raymond Felton G Nov 6, 2007 Left game - left knee injury  Adam Morrison GF Oct 24, 2007 Torn left knee ligament - out for season  Sean May PF Oct 6, 2007 Right knee surgery - out for season  Othella Harrington FC Oct 2, 2007 Left knee surgery  
Chicago Bulls  Adrian Griffin GF Nov 6, 2007 Back  
Cleveland Cavaliers  Donyell Marshall F Nov 6, 2007 Wrist - out unti mid-November  Larry Hughes G Nov 6, 2007 Knee  Eric Snow PG Oct 2, 2007 Left knee tear - out 4 to 6 weeks  
Dallas Mavericks  Devin Harris PG Nov 6, 2007 Thigh  Josh Howard GF Nov 5, 2007 Right ankle  Devean George GF Oct 11, 2007 Left foot  Erick Dampier C Oct 11, 2007 Right shoulder  
Denver Nuggets  Chucky Atkins PG Nov 2, 2007 Right groin strain-out thru mid-December  Anthony Carter PG Oct 8, 2007 Right hand surgery - out 6 weeks  
Detroit Pistons  Rodney Stuckey G Oct 26, 2007 Broken left hand - out 6 weeks  
Golden State Warriors No injuries reported  
Houston Rockets No injuries reported  
Indiana Pacers  Troy Murphy FC Nov 6, 2007 Achilles’  
Los Angeles Clippers  Shaun Livingston PG Oct 30, 2007 Torn knee ligaments  Elton Brand FC Oct 20, 2007 Ruptured left achilles  
Los Angeles Lakers  Lamar Odom F Nov 2, 2007 Recovery from left shoulder surgery  
Memphis Grizzlies No injuries reported  
Miami Heat  Dwyane Wade G Oct 30, 2007 Shoulder - out untill at mid-November  
Milwaukee Bucks  Awvee Storey GF Nov 2, 2007 Hip

 
Minnesota Timberwolves  Rashad McCants G Nov 6, 2007 Left game - sprained right ankle  Mark Madsen FC Nov 2, 2007 Shoulder  Randy Foye G Oct 31, 2007 Left kneecap- out indefinitely  
New Jersey Nets  Marcus Williams G Sep 29, 2007 Broken right foot - out 6 weeks  
New Orleans Hornets  Bernard Robinson GF Oct 9, 2007 Torn left MCL  
New York Knicks  Jared Jeffries GF Nov 2, 2007 Knee  
Orlando Magic  Tony Battie FC Sep 28, 2007 Left rotator cuff tear - out for season  
Philadelphia 76ers  Louis Amundson F Nov 2, 2007 Hip  Herbert Hill FC Oct 30, 2007 Left knee surgery - out 4 to 6 weeks  
Phoenix Suns  Amare Stoudemire C Nov 6, 2007 Right knee swelling  
Portland Trail Blazers  Josh McRoberts FC Oct 30, 2007 Left ankle  Darius Miles SF Oct 30, 2007 Right knee  Greg Oden C Sep 11, 2007 Right knee surgery - out for season  
Sacramento Kings  Justin Williams FC Nov 2, 2007 Personal reasons - out indefinitely  Mike Bibby PG Nov 2, 2007 Thumb - out until mid-December  Spencer Hawes C Oct 10, 2007 Left knee surgery  
San Antonio Spurs  Jacque Vaughn PG Oct 30, 2007 Strained right calf  Robert Horry PF Oct 30, 2007 Personal reasons  
Seattle SuperSonics  Kurt Thomas FC Nov 2, 2007 Hamstring  
Toronto Raptors No injuries reported  
Utah Jazz No injuries reported  
Washington Wizards  Oleksiy Pecherov C Nov 2, 2007 Ankle  Etan Thomas FC Oct 10, 2007 Heart surgery - out indefinitely

We here at TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center Plaza wish to extend a challenge to our loyal reader: find a group of NBA cheerleaders/dancers hotter than those pictured below.

No, the girls, you tool. The Laker Dancers set the standard, but have since been surpassed by these nubile young ladies in Denver. Between them, these tarts must have 600,000 crunches.

And now … go team, win team, yeaaay team!

Playing this season fatter than a Christmas Ham, Shaquille O’Neal appears to be done.
Listed at 7-foot-1 and 325-pounds, O’Neal appears to be pushing four bills in Miami. In his 16th season, Shaq has led the Heat to an 0-3 start, is hitting 22 percent of his free throws and is averaging 11 points and 7.5 rebounds per game.

In essence, The Diesel has become Robert Tractor Traylor in Miami red.

So, big fellah, it’s time to do one of three things: A) spend 3 hours on the bike and 1 hour running stairs every night or B) Call it a career — a wildly successful career or C) demand a trade back to L.A. and ride Kobe’s coattails for a change.

Despite its 2-game losing streak, we are proud to bring you The TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center Plaza Lock of the Night. At 2-2, it’s time to get Y’all back on the money train with the Tuesday night special.
Back to the Lone Star state where we take the defending NBA champions to silence T-Mac and the Rockets in Houston. San Antonio is a 2 point favorite on the road and should cover against a weary Houston team that lost Monday night.

And now … Shaq lays down the facts.

When you can turn down $11.5M for a season’s work, you know you’re wearing big boy boxers.

Reports out of Philadelphia this past week have former Arizona star Andre Iguodala turning down a 5 year $57M deal. Igodula, the primary beneficiary of the Allen Iverson deal, is now the Sixers best player — which is roughly the equivalent of being the best pianist at the Asylum.

Be that as it may, the guy is in a contract year and playing for next offseason’s contract. As such, he should continue to build on his 20ppg, 6.3rpg, 51% field goal numbers — all career highs.

Now, following a two-day absence, your TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center Plaza Lock of the Night. With only one game on the schedule, we are forced to pick Houston at Dallas with the Mavs as 6-point favorites.

While they are a better team at home, Houston is Keeley Hazell hot right now. Moreover, Dallas generally starts slow and has already lost one to Atlanta. Take Houston to cover.

And now … a preposterous Iguodala dunk. Wait for the replay. It’s worth it.

Kobe Bryant — widely considered the best bloody basketball player on planet earth — had a scoreless first half for the first time in his NBA career Wednesday.

Despite this, a trade rumor surfaced soon thereafter that KB would be traded to the Bulls and the Lakers would get Ron Artest and Ben Wallace in return.

That is roughly the equivalent of trading a case of Cristal for a warm bottle of Old English 800 and a tall glass of chilled cat urine.
There is also a rumor the Suns, Bulls and Lakers are attempting to swing a deal. Further updates as events warrant.

Now, your TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center Plaza Lock of the night: We are a solid 2-0 on the season. Are you cashing in? Get on board, Hoss.
Again, one of the least appreciated teams in the league — the Utah Jazz — is merely a 4 point favorite at home against Houston. When Andre Kirilenko is happy and healthy, they are a completely different team. Take Utah to cover that spread.

And now … a preview of coming events AK-47 swats Yao.

Maybe it was just someone who looked like Lamar Odom. But apparently the Lakers player ran a red light in his Mercedes early Tuesday and crashed into a Geo Prizm. Reports say the woman driving the Prizm was extracted from the vehicle using the Jaws-of-Life by firefighters.

Now, your TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center Plaza Lock of the Night:
Dallas is a 3 1/2-point favorite at Cleveland. Take the Mavs to cover. They’ve been waiting a while to get that Golden State taste out of their mouths and match up well with the Cavs.

And now … death to the Mini Cooper.

Can I get a “Woooo” from the house?

Woooo.

Three-and-one-half short months after San Antonio defeated the Cavs 83-82 to sweep the NBA Finals, Steve Nash, Mark Cuban and the Laker girls are good to go.

The season opens tonight with Portland at S.A., Utah at Golden State and Houston at the Lakers.

Every night, TOT will give you a winner against the spread at the bottom of this diatribe. Here are the NBA Futures for the NBA title.

Without further ado, we introduce “Tipoff Talk Towers and Convention Center Plaza Lock of the Night” — Utah Jazz to cover at Golden State. Utah is a 3 1/2 point dog and should win outright vs. the ailing Warriors.

Remember, TOT fans. This is the same outfit that prompted you to take Golden State at 9:1 to beat the Mavs in the opening series. The same outfit that told you to take the Nets to recover from a 2-0 hole and beat the Pistons in the JV Finals (Eastern Conference). The same outfit that told you to take San Antonio to sweep New Jersey at 7:2.

So get on board TOT fans. After a couple weeks of answering the call, you are all invited to quit your jobs and meet the TOT staff on the first tee.

And now … Jazz fans cheer Deron Williams and boo John Stockton on draft day.

Yeah. That’s right. You heard it here first, or something.

Like any good rumormonger outfit, the far flung staff here at TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center Plaza has unearthed recent speculation that the Wizards may be ready to deal Gilbert for Kobe.

Given his long history of being a pompous, tiresome, delusional prima dona, DC seems a natural fit for Kobe.

Similarly, given his status as an LA native, genuine smile and general up-beat nature, Old # Zero would fit in SoCal like black coffee at an AA meeting.

And now … a man who appreciates everything — rather than that other one who appreciates nothing. The man is as giddy as a Colorado school girl stuffed with Kobe.

Hey you. Yeah, you there in the replica Denver Broncos jersey and fitted Utah Jazz cap.

You with your NFL seat cushion, Angels thunder sticks and officially licensed New England Patriots helmet phone.

You, sir, are a tool. An instrument. A puppet.

And you represent everything that is wrong with the American sports fan.

You sit there on your sectional couch and cheer for total strangers. Strangers in a town hundreds of miles away. Strangers who would just as soon spit on your $470 leather team jacket as look at you.

Meanwhile in the adjacent room, the child who bears your name struggles with his math homework and self worth. Upstairs in the master bath, your wife is spending quality time with floating candles and Steely Dan.

And there you are. Alone in front of the big screen with your bean dip, light beer and sports addiction.

You are being duped. You are selling out. You are losing at life.

The mega-millionaire brigade of professional sports owners is playing you like a harp — tugging at your strings to convince you that you are a part of this.

But you’re not. You never have been. You never will be.

If you feel good when the Jazz win, you are sick. If you feel bad when the Broncos lose a fumble, you are unwell in the head.

If you say to your buddies at work, “Yeah, did you see the way WE crushed the Raiders on Sunday?” you are delusional.

Unless your name is Jake Plummer, YOU didn’t do jack, Jack. Yet you persist with this charade. Persist with this addiction.

According to Alcoholics Anonymous, if you exhibit any behavior that has a negative effect on your life, you know this and continue with the behavior anyway — you are an addict.

Hardcore fandom is a form of self abuse. But you keep buying it like any other addict, spending your money, time and love on pro sports.

In places such as Denver, Chicago and Philadelphia, emergency rooms throughout the city report a sharp rise in alleged domestic abuse admissions following a loss by the Broncos, Bears or Eagles. That, my friends, is beyond sickness. That is the criminal fallout of activated addiction.

The older the pro sports fan, the more intense this allegiance addiction seems to be.

Younger fans don’t cheer for the Redskins, Red Sox or Red Wings. Rather, they cheer for Shawn Green, Trent Green and Ahman Green.

Why? Because they play fantasy sports. And fantasy sports is healthy.

Now stay with me. This may hurt a little because education can be painful.

If you bet $100 against the spread on the NFC Championship game, you have a 50-50 chance at winning. You have NO control over the outcome.

However, if you bet $100 with 10 of your buddies and draft a team of players for your fantasy team, you have near complete control of your wager.

The more YOU study, the more YOU benefit. That is YOUR football team. YOUR baseball team. You can assign that team a name that has something to do with YOU.

To the traditional fan, this fantasy folderol sounds nutty. To the purist, fantasy sports guys are branded geeks, nerds or ninnys.

That branding defense is only natural coming from an addict. That branding defense justifies the continued actions of the sick.

In truth, managing your own team and interacting with your friends is particularly healthy. You are engaged. You have control. You have your pride.

Sick is adopting a pro team based on some random association — be it geographic, demographic or whimsical.

Sick is having nothing to do with that team, no control over its success or failure and basing your emotional well being on same.

Sick is remaining loyal in the face of strikes, lockouts and taxpayer funded arenas. You take the abuse and come crawling back for more.

Utah’s Jazz and Denver’s Broncos no more belong to you than virtue belongs to Jenna Jameson.

But you call them “my team” and say “we should have drafted Laurence Maroney” as if the whole franchise was run out of your basement.

The rush of unscripted sports entertainment is epic. There’s nothing like it. But at least make it yours.

Rather than dropping $30 on a wool cap or $1,200 on a Seattle Seahawks weekend junket, drop a little of that cash on a fantasy draft.

Take sports back from the corporate fraternity, sports fans. Watch sports on the internet scoreboard like the rest of us geeks and spend Sunday helping your boy with his quadratic equations.

Or don’t. And keep giving your love to the billionaire sports owners while your old lady gives her love to Steely Dan.

In the most devastating turn of NBA events since the retirement of Bill Walton (overstatement alert), the much-anticipated preseason game between the Jazz and Lakers in San Diego was scrapped.

Why? Because some yahoo down at the league office thinks there are more important things than roundball. And that, my friends, is sad.

In an effort to distract you from this societal sickness and brighten up your day, here’s a photo of my breakfast. Mmmm. Denver omelette face.

And now … California burning from orbit

Now the tiresome Kobe Bryant banter surrounds the Chicago Bulls, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks and Phoenix Suns.

The Suns gum flapping has to be pure poppycock. Why mess with perfection, after all?

If Robert Horry hadn’t goaded the young Suns guns off the bench in the NBA Finals (known these days as the Western Conference finals) the Suns would have had the ticker tape parade all to themselves.

And now … how a doddering old man wins a championship — with a cross-check on the Canadian.

First, the NBA denied a New York Daily News report the league had disciplined six more league referees. Then they said the league’s internal referee probe was not finished. Last, David Stern went on official record and completely junked up the previous two admissions.

Stern: “There were some violations, but they are not hanging crimes.”

OK. Fine. Whatever. But in the arena of sports officiating in the post Donaghy era, you must do more than avoid impropriety. You must avoid the appearance of impropriety.

If an intrepid reporter digs up a juicy story regarding this issue, you go with the truth and roll with it. You DON’T turn it into a damage control platform.

To David Stern, the NBA front office, et al — the time for smoke and mirrors is past. If you continue down this misdirection path, you only serve to justify our notion that this league is fixed.

It’s not the impropriety, stupid. It’s the appearance thereof.

And now … the appearance of impropriety.

Chris Webber has two basic choices. A) he can sit on the bench and watch Jason Maxiell replace him in Detroit or B) retire. Option C would be to uproot from his comfort castle in Michigan and fade away on someone’s bench outside of Detroit, an option he is very unlikely to consider.

Peter Vescey suggested this past week in the New York Post that Webber may choose option B, letting his 34-year-old frame rest for a change.

And now … C-Webb throws one down despite Barkley’s best efforts to crack the man.

Thursday morning on the ESPN Radio Colin Cowherd show: “Kobe won’t be a Laker much longer.”

OK. Well, that settles it. Whew! One less thing.

According to ESPN’s Rick Buker, the Kobe-Lakers divorce is imminent. And it makes some measure of sense. If you’re going to get Kobe, you want him for 82 games. In fact, it is already too late. Whoever gets him would want him for the duration of the preseason.

Top contenders:
Mark Cuban and that blue-and-green Texas team. Buker: “Cuban is involved already and is doing everything he can do to make that happen.”

Marty Burns, SI.com writer lists the Suns, Mavs, Nets, Celtics and Bulls as the top contenders for KB. He also says everyone on the Mavs roster is available, save Nowitzki.

And now … 81 points in 30 seconds.

Maybe he’s just a clean freak. Or maybe Kobe Bryant can’t get good janitorial help with his $22M salary.
Regardless, the guy has taken on mythic celebrity status when he was forced to deny reports he cleaned out his locker early this week.

“I didn’t clean out my locker,” Kobe told voracious Southern California reporters Tuesday. “If I’m here I’m ready to strap it up. My job is to play the game and get ready to play the game. That’s what I’m doing. I guess people are just intrigued by what’s going on around here. I understand that. I just have a job to do.”

In other Kobe related scuttlebutt, it appears No. 8 may be switching shoe contracts from Nike to Reebok. Think it through, KB. You’ll never be Jordan Light in Reeboks.

And now … Kobe’s sweet crossover misdirection play.
Family Guy - Kobe Bryant - The most popular videos are here