Tip Off Talk

When you live in a world of information control and totalitarian rule, you think people will believe anything.

And when Chinese officials say Yi Jianlian says he doesn’t want to sign with the Milwaukee Bucks because of decreased opportunity, they obviously believe we are stupid.

The first excuse was that Milwaukee was a small city with virtually no Chinese culture/influence.
The second excuse was that big men Brian Skinner, Charlie Bell and Andrew Bogut were too good — keeping Yi Jianlian from growing as a player due to decreased court time.

Poppycock!

Between them, those Skinner Bell and Bogut average less than 30 points per game, and Skinner barely averages 3.

If the 6-foot-11 Yi Jianlian is so good, he could blast into that starting lineup, have is fortune cookie and eat it too.

Sorry, Chinese Basketball Association owners. This is America. While we may be grotesquely wealthy, fat, lazy and morally starved, we are not stupid. We are not peasants living in shanty towns on the banks of the Sohngua River.

Save the BS for the locals. If you don’t want to market your wares in Milwaukee, fine. Just say so. Be honest about it and take your string bean forward home.

And now … Yi Jianlian showing off his sweet defense.

—- MESSAGE REPEATS —- Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest were suspended by the NBA. —- MESSAGE REPEATS —- Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest were suspended by the NBA. —- MESSAGE REPEATS —- Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest were suspended by the NBA. —- MESSAGE REPEATS —- Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest were suspended by the NBA.

You remember Artest. He was that Indiana Pacers tool who went postal on the fans in Detroit back in 2004, beating down MoTown’s best hecklers to earn a 73 game sit-down.

You remember Jackson. He was right there beating down ticket holders, earning a 30 game vacation.

In their most recent call to the principal’s office, bad boys Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson were suspended Sunday by the NBA. Artest, who pleaded no contest to a domestic violence charge in May, will lose $471,000.

Jackson, apparently unable to get satisfaction at an Indianapolis strip club in late 2006, opted to get his rocks off by firing a pistol into the air — a felony called criminal recklessness. Jackson will lose just over $400K in salary.

NBA action — it’s Fan-tastic.

And now … Anger Management

China hates Milwaukee.
Furthermore, China loathes Salt Lake City, Charlotte, Minneapolis, Memphis and Toronto.

Because when you’re a Chinese official built like Kim Jong Il, there is no way in Shanghai you’re going to send a 7-foot egg roll (Yi Jianlian) to a second rate American city.

Thing is, it appears Yi is not nearly physical enough to play the NBA stage. As such, a place like Milwaukee would be a perfect place to either A) toughen up or B) fold like a card table.

Latest reports have Jianlian landing in Sacramento or Philly — places where you can get all the Oyster Sauce and peanut brittle your heart desires.

And now … feeding the mis-assigned hype

So what if the guy’s dad is a living legend.
So what his surname looks sweet on the back of a yellow jersey.

Luke Walton is an NBA role player at best. And it appears that is enough to sign him to a 6 year, $30 Million contract.

I heard courtside seats were expensive in Los Angeles, but this strains reason.

In 262 professional games, the 27-year-old Walton has averaged 5.3 points, 3.1 rebounds and 2.4 assists as a small forward. Small indeed.

And now … Luke doing what Luke does best — passing to Kobe

The Utah Jazz let Derek Fisher out of his contract because of his 11-month old daughter’s eye cancer. They let him out to pursue more advanced medical care than he could find in Salt Lake City.

Now it appears the 32-year-old D-Fish is headed back to Los Angeles to run the Triangle Offense for Kobe and the gang.

Who knows? At a reported $5 Million per season, Fisher is an absolute steal. Odom will make $13.5M next year and Kwame brown will pull $9.075. Even Vlad-Rad (Vladimir Radmanovic) will draw a $5.6M paycheck.

Kinda sucks for the Jazz tho.

And now … a blast from the 1999 Lakers past, featuring Shaq, Fisher, Fox and Kobe.

No. 1 pick and savior of Portland basketball Greg Oden is likely to miss the rest of the summer league due to swollen tonsils.
Apparently, G.O. will have a tonsillectomy just after the taping of the ESPY awards Saturday. Through two summer league games, Oden has 19 points, seven rebounds and 19 fouls.

And now … the big man playing large.

The scuttlebutt goes like this — KG to Golden State for No. 8 pick Brandan Wright, Monta Ellis and a scatterling of ungainly contracts.

Sources are saying talks between Golden State and the T-Wolves are “Real and advanced.” Stay tuned.

And now, Warriors guard Baron Davis dunking on his potential future teamie:

Citing an ESPN report and Dan Patrick Show interview, it appears that veteran Grant Hill will sign with the Phoenix Suns next week.

To the DP show (kudos to azcentral.com report) on what team best suits Hill’s game style and thirst for an NBA title: fitting his game and title chances.

“Best suit my style? Phoenix, and I think both teams are the two best teams in the league. But if you want an answer, I’ll say Phoenix . . . Suiting my style would be an adjustment (with the Spurs).

On potential move:
“It’s a situation where the next couple weeks, couple months, I have some hard decisions to make. My wife (singer Tamia) and I are very rooted in Orlando. We love it there. But at the same time, I want to win and I want to be a part of it. I don’t want to be on the sidelines. I don’t want to be, no offense to M.L. Carr, waving the towel. I want to be out there on the court producing, being productive and being a part of these things.”

Now it appears he will get his wish before his 35th birthday (October). You go, old timer.

And now, Hill’s finest postgraduate work:

Not to be outdone by regional rival Portland, the Seattle SuperSonics signed No. 2 pick Kevin Durant to a two year deal.
In addition, Seattle inked No. 5 overall pick Jeff Green to a similar deal.

The Sonics have options for years 3 and 4 on both contracts, and the cash parade shakes loose like this: KD will make $3.476 million as a rookie and $3.736 million in year 2. Green will take home $2.548 million this season and $2.739 million the next.

Further punctuating their newfound cocksureness, Seattle has apparently secured the coaching/babysitting talents of Peter J. Carlesimo.
Further updates as events warrant.

And now, a guy who needs a girlfriend. Or a mother. Or another bag of Doritos.

Without all the traditional hulabaloo between agents and general managers, the Blazers and No. 1 pick Greg Oden agreed to a deal Tuesday. Immediately thereafter, he started practicing with his teammates.

Year 1: $3.885 Million
Year 2: $4.176 Million (plus options for Years 3&4)

Once again, Oden proves to have a level of maturity equal to his 38-year-old appearance.

Portland PF LaMarcus Aldridge To the AP: “One shot I couldn’t block, and he came over my shoulder and blocked it; I was amazed. And he dunked everything around the rim.”

And now, GO’s Portland workout

While all of us in the Blogosphere are out here second-guessing trade rumors and posting photos of Greg Oden grinding on co-eds, Utah Jazz guard and NBA Veteran Derek Fisher has been dealing with life … and death.

The Jazz agreed to released Fisher from his contract Monday so he could be with his daughter.
But it’s more than that.
Fisher’s infant daughter, who has a rare form of cancer behind her left eye called retinoblastoma, needs better medical care than Salt Lake City can offer.

Fisher is hoping to hook on at one of seven franchises where his daughter could get the care she needs —— although he has this to say about retirement:

“I’ll be 33 in August. I’m 6-1. I averaged 10 points this year. I don’t know how many people feel strongly about what I do.”

First: Greg, Good times and grinding on an Ohio State co-ed.
It’s enough to make Kobe proud.

And now, the news.
Early Thursday, dutiful workers in the “No Duh” department of the TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center Plaza reported the Portland TrailBlazers would select Greg Oden with the first pick in the 2007 NBA Draft.

Late Wednesday, the Blazers reportedly told Oden he was their man and promptly fitted him for a jersey for the Draft Day posturing.

Straight from the “Who Gives a Flying Ford Fairlane” department of the TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center Plaza, Kobe Bryant (that is, the L.A. Lakers) are reportedly looking to acquire Jermaine O’Neal or Marcus Camby.

And now, CSTV provides the answer to the popular question, Just how old is Greg Oden?

Here is the rumor: Minnesota to trade Kevin Garnett to Phoenix // Shawn Marion to the Celtics // Boston’s No. 5 pick and Al Jefferson to Minnesota.

Now, trade rumors are like Speedo’s — nothing good ever comes out of them.
But, we here at TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center Plaza have an obligation to report some of them — but ONLY after publishing the following disclaimer:

Consider: Fewer than 8 percent of reported trade rumors become actual trades.

Consider: the following 6 groups of people have reasons to push such rumors —
1. Agents. Agents gain from propping up their product. If the local paper is saying Charlotte is interested in your player, it changes the way a GM views that player. Hence, the agent makes more money.
2. Media. Outside of the Draft Lottery and Draft, an NBA beat writer has a long, boring offseason — unless they can latch on to the most preposterous trade rumor and get a GM to deny it. It’s business, gets a headline and keeps the beat writer in the loving eyes of his Sports Editor.
3. Players. (see agents)
4. Teams/GMs. In big business, it is an axiom — you must keep moving to keep from getting swept away. If a GM hasn’t made a move in 18 months, that GM gets blamed for the bad stuff and doesn’t get credit for the good stuff. If you’re making moves, you are at least trying in the eyes of fans and management. If you’re signing unready kids to huge deals (see Lakers), you can always smother criticism with talk of potential.
5. Fans. Just like any other fan, every NBA nut wants to read about their team every day in the local fishwrap.
6. David Stern and the NBA. (see fans)
7. Shoe companies (see David Stern and the NBA)
8. Karl Hungus (see Bunny LaJoya)

Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller said Andrei Kirilenko “needs to grow up.”
He then added that it would be “difficult” to find someone to take on both AK’s contract and dwindling effectiveness.

With $63 million in guaranteed contract money over the next four seasons, it is easy to understand why.

Over his six seasons with Utah — his lone NBA stay — AK has started just 61 percent of Jazz games.
And that ain’t great.

Problem is, if you’re drawing nearly $16 large in Salt Lake City (that’s $192,073.17 per regular season game, Hoss), you damn well better be great. Big money demands big results.

This past season, AK averaged 8.3 points, 4.7 rebounds and 2.9 assists per game in 29.3 minutes. And brother, that ain’t great. In his career, AK averages 12.9 pts, 6.2 rebs and 2.6 ast in 31.6 minutes.

That’s a whole lot of time on the floor not making things happen.

He has blocked 2 1/2 shots per game, but that barely takes the edge off the overall production vacuum.

We burped these numbers through the TipOff Talk Towers and Convention Center professional grade abacus and found out AK was paid:
$26,969.18 for every point
$47,872.34 for every rebound
$266,949.15 for every missed 3-pointer

Stick that in your $7 beer and drink it.

And now, 6-foot-9 AK vs. a 6-3 point guard

OK. So he had a tumor.
-So that tumor pressed on his pituitary gland, resulting in an unnatural level of growth hormone.
-So what. He’s Sun Ming Ming. And he is 7-foot-9!
-7-bloody-9 — for the love of Francis Ford Coppola.
-This Chinese cowboy is three inches short of an 8-pack.

-7-foot-9, or 2.36 meters. 370 pounds or 168 kilograms.
-No matter how you stack it, that’s a lot of egg fu yung.

He has played for the Dodge City Legend of the USBL and the Maryland Nighthawks of the Premier League. He got a tryout with the Lakers, but was never drafted.

He is the world’s seventh tallest man. He’s big, slow and big. Did I mention his largeness? The man is big. SuperSized like a triple cheeseburger meal, or something. That is to say, he’s freakin’ (insert large-esque adjective of choice here).

Now show me that 2-inch vertical, slim.