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Ranking NBA Saturday

by Paul Lambert

Much like a 4-pack of edible panties, the NBA All Star weekend sounds interesting. Downright appealing, even.

Folks in the know, however, tell a different story. The pressure of the Skills Challenge. All those experts judging slam-dunks. Even long-range shooting.

This year’s 3-day NBA All Star Bazaar and music show will be held in Las Vegas. And you know what the Las Vegas department of tourism says: What happens in Vegas — is the reason your wife will get the dog in the divorce settlement.

As we, the refs, the players and the coaches certainly agree, the All Star game itself is nonsense. The Saturday skills exhibition? Now that is good, honest Lithium-inspired entertainment.

Fans pack the house to watch the dunk contest, 3-point shoot, skills challenge and shooting stars challenge every bloody season. And why not? You get to see a bunch of gym rats in their natural habitat. Just think of it as an Ecological study commissioned by David Stern.

Coming in dead last:
4) Shooting Stars Challenge — first, if you don’t have a WNBA team in your city, you can’t play. Weak. Just another WNBA force-feed by the league.
Best part — Half-court shot.

3) Dunk Contest — the novelty of watching a guy dunk against no defense has just worn off. Is more like rhythmic gymnastics than basketball.
It peaked on Dee Brown’s Peek-A-Boo. It officially jumped the shark when Cedric Ceballos dunked “blindfolded.”
Best part — 2007 class of judges — Dr. J., Michael Jordan, Vince Carter, Dominique Wilkens and Kobe Bryant.

2) 3-point shoot — No judges. No WNBA piggyback. Make more shots - you win. Make fewer shots - you pick up a 4-pack of edible undergarments and return to your luxury hotel for $500-an-hour sympathy.
Best part — Old, fuzzy Larry Bird highlights, SEE BELOW (watch him call the money ball long before it drops)

1) Skills Challenge — It brings out the world’s best all-around players. Nash, LeBron, Wade and Kobe. Can you do better?
Best part — how high the winner holds the trophy.

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Posted in General on February 8th, 2007

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